


reflections of orange

by discordiansamba



Series: abyss of memory [10]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordiansamba/pseuds/discordiansamba
Summary: With the Voltron Coalition now in possession of one third of the Galra Empire's territory, the tide of the war has changed. But before they can celebrate their victory, the paladins first must deal with Prince Lotor- and their own unresolved issues.





	1. lotor side

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! This went from being a straight-forward Lotor POV chapter in the style of earlier installments of this series, but as you can see, it kind of took off from there. We do at least get Lotor's POV in this chapter, and we'll see more of him in the future! The plan out of the gate is to cover the first half of season five, from the aftermath of Naxzela to the aftermath of the virus on Olkarion.
> 
> What that does mean is that there won't be any Krolia this go around, which I know a lot of you have been waiting for- and believe me, I have too! But I also felt like it would better to devote a full installment to her, rather than dumping her on the end of everything else from season five. So just stayed tuned, because I'll get there eventually! In the meantime, please enjoy the first half of season five. I'm not *quite* sure how many chapters this will take, but my starting number right now is four. We'll see how that turns out!
> 
> Also from all of you starting from this installment, you *probably* want to go back and read the other entries in the series otherwise there's definitely going to be things that won't make much sense.

"As much as I hate to be the one to break up a group hug," Hunk began, "-don't we have to like, deal with Lotor?"

Inside the paladin pile, Kethe grimaced. He hadn't exactly forgotten that Lotor was the only reason he was still alive now. If he hadn't shown up when he had...

Kethe swallowed. He didn't want to think about that.

"Can't we just leave the rebels to deal with him?" Pidge asked- and he didn't miss the way that she managed to find his hand within the pile, giving it a tight, reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure Matt and Coran have it handled."

"Unfortunately, Hunk's right." Shiro said. "I know the timing isn't ideal, but..."

"Not ideal?" Lance asked. "Keith nearly smashed himself to pieces and we're talking about entering negotiations with the Galran prince? I say we let him sweat awhile first."

"He _did_ save Keith's life." Hunk hesitantly suggested. "I mean, he totally didn't do it on purpose, but that's still what happened."

There was silence at his words, awkward and heavy. Suddenly the paladin pile felt less like a comforting refuge and more like the crushing mass of bodies it actually was. It dawned on him that the paladins were just as put out as he was by the fact that it had been _Lotor_ who had essentially saved his life. He was glad not to be dead, but he didn't know how to feel about owing the Galra prince, exiled or not, a debt like that.

"I don't like it either," Allura admitted, the first paladin to draw away from the pile, if somewhat reluctantly, "-but Shiro and Hunk are correct. We do at least need to open this... _discussion_ he claims to desire, if nothing else."

The rest of the pile followed suit, gradually separating itself back into its individual components. It was a bit like Voltron itself, Kethe caught himself thinking- just with two extra paladins. Glancing Akira's way, he caught the clone's gaze. He guessed he technically wasn't a paladin, but it didn't feel right to think of him otherwise.

Maybe Lance had been on to something with the whole _twin_ thing.

Slowly uncurling his tail from around his leg, Kethe took in a deep breath. "So what's the plan?"

"You," Shiro said, lingering concern plainly visible in his eyes, "-aren't going to do anything. You nearly died out there, Keith. It's okay if you want to give yourself a bit of a break after that."

"I'm fine." Kethe lied. He wasn't, but he didn't think taking a break would help. "I need to be there, Shiro. Besides, it'll be awhile before Kolivan can make it back from Senfama, and Regris is even further out. You're going to need someone from the Blade there."

Shiro stared at him for a few ticks, before he let out a long sigh. "Alright. But if you start not feeling well-"

"I'll leave." Kethe promised.

Shiro nodded. "Okay. Akira? What about you?"

Blinking owlishly, Akira stared at Shiro in surprise, like he hadn't expected to be included in this. "Me?"

"Is there another Akira here?" Shiro asked, nearly managing to sound jovial despite the circumstances.

Akira opened his mouth to reply, before he quickly shut it. "I don't know. I don't think I should."

"In that case, you don't have to." Shiro assured him. "Why don't you go help Coran? I'm sure he can find something for you to do."

"I believe he should still be in the main hangar." Allura supplied. "I instructed him to examine Lotor's ship."

"How much do you think he knows?" Akira asked, vaguely gesturing between himself and Kethe, and then towards Allura. "About us, I mean."

They lapsed into silence, glancing awkwardly between one another. With everything else that was going on, it hadn't even occurred to them to think about that, but Akira was right- how much _did_ Lotor know about them? The Galra Empire thus far had made no efforts to refute the claim that Allura was the red lion's paladin, so they had come to conclusion that no one outside of Haggar had been aware of the full extent of her plans. There had even been Galra who had been shocked to see him in the red paladin's armor.

But Lotor wasn't just any imperial soldier. He might be exiled now, but he had been emperor once, however temporarily. They had to consider that there might be a chance he knew.

"We'll just have to play that one by ear." Shiro said, with a reluctance to his tone that hinted at the fact that he still didn't care for the continued deception. He couldn't blame him- in a way, it had almost cost him his life.

"Just in case, I told Matt to bring Rolo and Nyma with him." Pidge chimed in. "They already know."

The two names only sounded vaguely familiar to him- he'd heard them mentioned in passing when they had first shown up to join the resistance. Something about them having stolen the blue lion in the past, and therefore having met him before he'd fallen into Haggar's hands. They'd been briefed on the situation, and had been sworn to secrecy.

"Got it." Kethe said. "Thanks, Pidge."

Kethe glanced over towards Akira. He'd been staring at his feet, but peered up at him when he felt him looking. He managed a weak, awkward smile, but it was clear he was worrying that he had just brought them all more trouble again.

He knew the feeling.

* * *

He was unsure what to expect when he landed his ship within the Castle of Lions, but it wasn't a tiny reception consisting of mostly rebel fighters. There was no sign of any of the paladins- the closest thing to them he could find was a single Altean, not even the princess. Narrowing his eyes, Lotor made his way cautiously out of his ship, on his guard. He did not think the paladins would be so unwilling to listen to his request to open up a conversation, considering the fact that he had just saved all of their lives.

The lone human in the party, whom he recognized as one of the three that his father had captured on the edge of their own solar system, stepped forward. He looked cross, if not somewhat distracted, as if his mind was half on something else. Lotor couldn't help but frown- while he didn't expect to be greeted as if he were a hero, this was hardly the reception he'd been anticipating.

"Hands where we can see them." The human instructed.

Lotor complied, holding his hands up in what he hoped was a universal gesture of surrender. It seemed the human was leading the small reception party, and all he had been able to gather about their planet was that they were so backwater, they hadn't even been able to create the technology necessary to leave their own system yet.

How quaint that four out of the five should be paladins of Voltron, then.

(He supposed the fifth had Earthly origins as well, but it was only his Galra heritage that interested him.)

"Matthew Holt, correct?" Lotor asked, recalling the name he had read on one of the prisoner transfer logs. Actual names were rarely used, but they weren't impossible to find.

The human narrowed his eyes. "I go by Matt, actually."

Ah, a nickname. How truly quaint.

"Matt, then." Lotor said. "Forgive me, but I expected to be met by the paladins."

"Yeah, well, they're busy at the moment." Matt said. "Until then, the one you'll be dealing with is me."

Lotor inclined his brow a fraction of an inch, but said nothing. He had the feeling that inquiring further would not go well.

"Very well." Lotor said, taking a step forward, his hands still raised in surrender. "As promised, I am here to turn myself over to the Voltron Coalition."

Matt frowned, before gesturing towards him with his head. A pair of rebels cautiously began to approach him, presumably to search him and strip him of any weapons. He allowed them, knowing that they would find little else aside from his sword. With that removed, they stepped back, well out of arm's reach.

"You can lower your hands now." Matt said.

Lotor did as he was told, not at all surprised when one of the rebels passed Matt a pair of cuffs. He didn't protest as he put them on him, though he was slightly surprised he chose to do it himself. If he had to be honest, the rough way in which he handled him was actually a bit painful, but up close Lotor sensed that his anger wasn't actually directed towards him, like he first suspected it was.

Curious.

Up close, he also noted the resemblance he bore to the green paladin. The small human hadn't truly captured his interest, but he was nevertheless familiar with her face. He couldn't help but wonder if they were perhaps related- siblings, perhaps. He made a mental note of that, filing it away with the information he had in regards to the third human taken from that same icy moon. Perhaps it would prove useful in time.

Not that he would _be_ there when they went to rescue him. He might have not been aware of the green paladin's possible connection to the human named Samuel Holt at the time, but he was more than aware of his connection to the current black paladin and former Champion. That was enough.

But of course, the paladins didn't have to know that.

"Come with me." Matt told him, before glancing back towards the Altean. "Coran, can you handle things here?"

"Oh, I reckon I can manage." The Altean- _Coran_ \- said, casting a brief glance towards him. His eyes narrowed slightly, searching his features for something, though what that might be, he had no idea. While he certainly didn't look like his father, a fact for which he was grateful, he didn't entirely resemble his mother either, much as he had taken after her.

Whatever it was Coran was looking for, he didn't stay to see if he found it.

He allowed Matt to lead him down the halls of the Castle of Lions without protest. His main objective was to win the trust of the paladins, but winning the trust of the rebels certainly wouldn't hurt either. Especially not one who held a possible connection to at least two paladins.

And if he were to be honest, he had to admit that he appreciated the quiet. It gave him a chance to take in the interior of the Castle of Lions, a sight which he thought he would never be able to see. He'd heard tales of it, seen recordings and images, but that was nothing compared to seeing it in person. It was nice to know that there was at least one piece of Altean culture that hadn't been lost, or otherwise perverted by Zarkon's witch.

"In here." Matt said stiffly.

Lotor followed him into the small room- likely one meant for interrogating prisoners. The two rebels who had accompanied him took up positions on either side of the wall, a curious looking cyber-unit taking up a position inbetwixt them. Matt lingered by the door, hand hovering cautiously over a staff.

There was a single table in the room, one with three chairs set before it. One side only had a single chair, which he assumed was meant for him, whilst the other had two- likely for whoever came to interrogate him. For a brief moment, Lotor wondered what would happen if he sat in one of those, but quickly dismissed it, sitting in the chair that was meant for him.

As it turned out, he didn't have to wait long.

He'd expected perhaps Princess Allura and the black paladin, but once again, his expectations were severely off the mark. If his reception in the hangar had been lacking in paladin presence, then his questioning seemed the exact opposite of that. Every paladin was present and accounted for- though curiously, he noted that the princess was wearing pink and white paladin armor, whilst the red paladin was clad in that of a Blade.

He would admit, his gaze did linger on him a bit longer than the others. He had read much about the red paladin, but it was an entirely different thing to actually see him in person. He had been captured early on in Voltron's reappearance, and had become a subject of Haggar's experiments until he had been freed by the Blade of Marmora. It was his Galra heritage that had attracted the witch's attention, and it was that same heritage that she had planned to use to her advantage.

She had ultimately failed, but she had come extremely close to turning her plans into reality. That much was visible just from the red paladin's appearance. The footage that they had recovered of him before his capture showed him with an appearance not dissimilar to his fellow humans. His Galra heritage was practically invisible, a rarity, to be sure- even those who leaned more towards their non-Galra parent in appearance usually had yellow sclera.

Haggar had changed that. She had wanted a loyal servant, and in order to accomplish that, she had set to bringing out his Galra blood- and then some. Now it was nearly impossible to tell that the red paladin might be anything other than Galra.

Had the witch had her way, he would have reconsidered coming. But the truth was that he needed Princess Allura's help if he was to gain access to the quintessence field. He had thought that by using the same material used to create Voltron to create his Sincline ships, he would finally have what was needed to pierce the barrier between realities.

Clearly, he'd been mistaken.

No matter. As King Alfor's daughter, surely Princess Allura could figure out what went wrong in the process of designing the Sincline ships. He had heard what she had done for that Balmera, so surely King Alfor must have passed on his knowledge to her before he had so senselessly been taken from this world by his own father.

"So," Princess Allura began, snapping his focus back towards her, "-you claim to desire a discussion."

There was open disdain in her voice, which he supposed was not entirely unexpected. She had lived through the fall of Altea, so he could only imagine that she was less than thrilled by the prospect of sitting down and talking with the son of man who had slaughtered her people. The fact that he himself was also part-Altean would likely mean little to her now, so for the moment, he would hold onto that card.

He would play it later, when the time was right.

"That is all I wish." Lotor said plainly. "Though I must admit, I did not expect all of you to come."

"Voltron is one unit." The black paladin- _Takashi Shirogane_ , according to the prison records- began, uncrossing his arms. "Anything that you say to one of us, you say to all of us."

"But of course." Lotor agreed. "Anything I have to say, I am more than happy to say to all six of you."

Their reaction was both swift and as expected. He watched as the princess narrowed her eyes, and as the red paladin glared at him, while the yellow simply looked nervous- the blue paladin didn't even attempt to hide his surprise, while the green and black paladins were more guarded. None of the rebels that were in the room reacted, which meant that they were all in on the farce that Voltron had been producing.

Interesting.

Takashi said nothing, simply pulling out a chair and sitting across from him. Princess Allura did much the same, watching him like a hawk, as if she expected him to strike at any moment. The others remained where they were, though he didn't miss the way the yellow, green, and blue paladins all seemed to move in a bit closer to the red. It was almost as if they were trying to protect him.

"I think we can take things from here, Matt." Takashi said.

"Are you sure, Shiro?" Matt asked. "Because we don't mind sticking around if you need some extra security."

"I'm sure." Takashi- _Shiro_ , rather, if what Matt had called him was accurate- smiled. "But thanks. Send Kolivan our way when his ship lands."

"Will do." Matt said. He signaled to the other two rebels, and they, along with their cyber-unit, made a swift exit. He moved to do the same, pausing for a second in front of the door, his gaze drifting towards the red paladin. He opened his mouth to say something, only to decide against it, swiftly taking his leave.

Lotor merely arched a brow, curious as to what that was about. He was afraid that information in regards to the red paladin once he had rejoined Voltron was rather hard to come by. Had Acxa not encountered him in the weblum, he might not even have known that anything was amiss.

Clearly, that was the way the paladins wanted it.

"Tell me, princess," Lotor began, "-exactly how many know the truth behind Voltron?"

"Enough." Allura said firmly. "What I want to know is how _you_ know."

"Allura-" The red paladin began.

" _Kethe_ , was it?" Lotor asked, turning his attention towards him. He stiffened, the fur on his tail almost seeming to bristle. "Or was it _Keith_? I've heard conflicting accounts."

"It's both." The paladin said firmly. "Call me whichever you want."

"Keith, then." Lotor said, opting to use his original name. He must have given himself the other one during his time with the Blade. "I'm sure you haven't forgotten that it was one of my generals who you encountered in the weblum."

"Oh right, Keith's weblum buddy." The yellow paladin recalled. He vaguely recalled that Acxa had mentioned his name was _Hunk_. "I was wondering what happened to her."

Lotor merely inclined a brow. Weblum... buddy? A turn of phrase surely, but an odd one. He wasn't under the impression that the two had been on friendly terms with one another.

"Like I said, she wasn't my buddy." Keith snapped, but quickly lost his fire. "Anyways, it doesn't matter if he knows about me. That's not what this meeting is about."

It was an obvious lie. He suspected that part of their desire to speak with him as a unit was to glean just how much he knew about their lies.

"Keith's right." Shiro said. "We're here to discuss the terms of Lotor's surrender."

"Why bother?" The blue paladin rolled his eyes. "I mean, this guy used to lead the Galra Empire. Shouldn't we just lock him up and throw away the key?"

"As tempting as that might be," Allura began, a tight frown set on her lips, "-we should at least hear him out. We owe him that much."

He didn't miss the way everyone's gaze drifted towards Keith as she said that. Strange. He didn't recall doing anything for the paladin, and yet they were treating it as if he had. He was tempted to inquire, but he wanted to refrain from pushing his luck this early on.

While he did hold a piece of information that might be useful to him, he would hold onto it for the time being. For all he knew, the failed clone Haggar had made was already dead. It wasn't likely to survive long in a Galra prison, being a clone of mixed blood. There was no point in sending them off on what was likely a pointless endeavor.

"I can assure you, my desire was only ever to bring peace to the Empire." Lotor said. "I apologize for our past conflicts, but they were necessary in order to accomplish my goals."

"And what _are_ your goals?" Shiro asked.

"Surely you must have noticed how reliant the Galra Empire is on quintessence. It fuels everything, from our ships to our weapons, to things far more mundane." Lotor began.

"He does have a point there." The green paladin conceded, and for the first time, he noticed how very _young_ she sounded. He frowned slightly at that, wondering again at the ages of the paladins. He was aware that humans had short lifespans, but surely most of them must have still been children, even in the eyes of their own people.

Even Princess Allura was young, younger than he had anticipated. It would not derail his plans, but it did give him pause.

"The Galra Empire's sole purpose in conquering worlds has been to obtain more quintessence. That was the whole reason that the komar was invented." Lotor explained. "If you meet that need peacefully, there will be no more need for that."

Allura glared at him from across the table, looking thoroughly unconvinced. "Are you trying to say that as soon as they get their hands on unlimited fuel, the Galra Empire will simply throw down their weapons? I find that hard to believe."

"I will admit, it's not quite that simple." Lotor admitted. "At the very least, so long as my father still reigns, it will be impossible."

"How do we know you're not just here to save your own skin?" The blue paladin asked.

"I will admit, my options are severely limited now that my own generals have betrayed me." Lotor stated plainly, concealing his own half-lie with ease. Ezor and Zethrid might have betrayed him, true enough, but Acxa was acting under his orders. "But my offer of an alliance is true."

"You've been exiled." The green paladin pointed out. "What could you possibly have to offer us?"

"Information." Lotor told them. "I can give you vital intelligence on the Galra Empire."

"That's what the Blade of Marmora is for." Keith said, narrowing his eyes. "We don't need you."

"Ah yes, the Blade of Marmora." Lotor said, glancing his way, watching the way his fur bristled as he did so. "Your trusted Galra allies. But even their information is limited. Surely you must be able to see that."

Keith growled, taking a step forward, only to be held back by Shiro. The black paladin merely shook his head, causing him to slink back, where Hunk rested a hand on his shoulder, mumbling something underneath his breath that Lotor couldn't quite make out.

"Maybe we should finish this discussion some other time." Shiro said. "We all just came off a tough battle. We should face this with clearer heads."

"Of course." Lotor said. "I understand."

Allura frowned, looking at him as if he didn't get any say in the matter. He supposed that as matters stood, he did not- not yet, at any rate. He was certain that with time, he could win the trust of the paladins, including the princess. The black paladin aside, they were young, naive- and in one case, almost completely without memories.

Allura stood up, staring him down. "I don't want him on my ship."

"We might not have a choice." Shiro told her, though he didn't look happy about it either. "Olkarion's not equipped for handling prisoners, and the Castle of Lions _is_ the most secure location we have."

"Couldn't we just hand him over to the Blade?" The yellow paladin asked.

"And give him access to one of our bases?" Keith frowned. "I don't think so."

Lotor merely inclined a brow at his choice of phrase. _Our_ bases. Clearly, though he had taken the mantle of red paladin back, Keith had not clearly divorced himself from his rescuers. The fact that he stood before him in full Marmoran armor was proof enough of that. He wondered if it was the princess who had flown the red lion in today's battle, and not the lion's actual paladin.

Curious.

That said, he wasn't quite certain he cared for the way they were discussing the manner of his imprisonment as if he weren't even in the room. He could only assume they weren't used to keep prisoners, rather than it being due to any malevolence on their part.

"He has a point." Shiro said. "We'll keep him here, at least until we can find someplace better."

"Fine." Allura said, begrudgingly accepting the decision.

"I can assure you, I have no intention of escape." Lotor promised. "Whatever else you might think of me, I am a man of my word."

"We'll see about that." Allura said shortly, before turning on her heel to leave. "I trust you can take care of the rest, Shiro."

"I think I can handle this." Shiro promised, giving her a reassuring smile. "Lance? Think you can help me escort our guest?"

Keith blinked, straightening up. "I could-"

Shiro shook his head. "That's not necessary. Why don't you find Akira and give him a hand?"

"Yeah, Keith, I've got this handled." The blue paladin- whose name was apparently _Lance_ \- piped up. "You're not the only one around here who can be cool and imposing."

Lotor almost wanted to laugh, but wisely refrained from doing so. He'd barely known the blue paladin for longer than a few doboshes, but _imposing_ was not the word he would have selected to describe him. He was rather gangly, possessing limbs that would be all too easy to snap in half. Clearly he had a rather inflated self-image.

(He couldn't even begin to understand what _cool_ meant in this context. It clearly wasn't the definition he was most familiar with.)

Keith frowned, his tail flicking behind him. "I'm fine, Shiro."

"I'm sure you are." Shiro told him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "But I'm still picking Lance this time. It's nothing personal."

Huffing slightly, Keith narrowed his eyes- and then of all things, shot _him_ a glare. Lotor frowned, wondering just what it was that he had done to earn such ire from him.

"Fine." Keith said, tearing his eyes away from him. "But if he starts giving you any trouble-"

"You'll be the first person I tell." Shiro assured him.

Apparently satisfied with that, Keith gave the black paladin a curt nod of his head. He retreated, the green and yellow paladins accompanying him. He heard an offer to assist pass through Hunk's lips before they were too far to hear, and could just make out the edge of a smile on Keith's face before they left the room, and therefore his line of sight.

Hm. He'd been under the impression that he would be more... _isolated_ from his fellow paladins than this, assuming it was something he could exploit. Clearly he'd been mistaken.

No matter. There were countless avenues with which he could win the paladins' trust.

* * *

Akira lifted his head just in time to see Keith storm into the hangar, his pace faster than Pidge and Hunk's, who trailed behind him. He didn't need to look at the puffed up fur of his tail to know that he was in a bad mood- that much was written plain as day on his face.

"Everything okay?" Akira asked before he could stop himself.

"No." Keith said shortly- and just when he thought he wouldn't expand any, "-I just hate owing my life to _Lotor_."

Oh. Akira frowned. He kind of understood, in a weird way. He owed his life- his entire existence, actually- to Haggar, and he was just as unhappy about it.

He just... wasn't sure if he should say that.

"At least you're _alive_." Pidge said. "You've got to promise that you won't do anything that stupid again."

Keith turned on his heel, growling at her. He'd clearly gone from traumatized to angry- not at anyone in specific, just in general. "I was just doing what I had to."

"Pidge has a point." Hunk said. "You gave us all a huge scare, Keith."

Keith opened his mouth to retort, but quickly shut it, his shoulders slumping. The fire that had burned so strongly in him earlier gave way, turning back into a smolder. He stared down at his feet, like he couldn't find the words to respond.

Shifting on his feet, Akira glanced between the three. He was no less happy about Keith's suicide attempt, but he wasn't sure if it was something he should talk too much about. He'd probably already massively overstepped his boundaries earlier- and he winced, suddenly recalling the fact that he'd gone so far as to _punch_ him.

At least he'd thrown a decent punch, even if there had been no real strength behind it. His hand was still kind of sore.

He'd just gotten caught up in the heat of the moment, that was all. He'd just been... _angry_ , he guessed. His first time getting angry, actually- the white hot emotion serving to overpower everything else, common sense included. He didn't want to have finally found someplace to call his own only to have the person he was supposed to replace just up and die. The more he thought about it, the less it sat well with him- what if they had tried to use him as Keith's replacement for real?

Except that made it sound kind of like he was only worried about himself, and that- that wasn't right either. Sure, he didn't want to be forced back into the role of Keith's replacement just when he had begun his journey to discover who he was, but it was more than that. It didn't even have anything to do with the horrifying thought that he might be stuck with Keith's memories forever if he died. It was just...

He didn't want him to.

Huh. When it came down to it, his reasons were surprisingly simple. It shouldn't surprise him so much, but everything else in his life was so complicated. It almost felt like his feelings of not wanting the person he was cloned from to die should be just as complicated as his feelings for the actual person himself.

And those were... pretty complicated.

Heaving a sigh, Hunk placed his hands on his hips. "You know what? I know we came down here to help Coran, but I think this calls for some paladin bonding time."

"Hunk," Pidge cautiously began, "-are you suggesting we _don't_ work on Lotor's cool ship?"

"That's exactly what I'm suggesting, yeah." Hunk said firmly. "Shiro was right when he said that we all had a long day. And what's a better way to relax and bond than spending a little time in the kitchen together?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Akira noted the way Keith's tail perked up. He had already started to wean himself away from the conversation- paladin bonding time obviously didn't include him- but that was pretty hard to miss.

"I like baking." Keith said. "It's peaceful."

"Well _I'd_ like to check out Lotor's ship." Pidge huffed, looking cross. "It's made out of the same stuff as Voltron! Who knows what secrets we might unlock if he examined it?"

Blinking, Akira turned towards the ship in question. This was the first he'd heard about that. He and Coran had mostly been looking for anything suspicious, so he hadn't exactly paid that much attention to the ship itself. All he knew about it was that it had a lot of firepower. It had to, if it had managed to break through that shield.

"I don't know, Pidge." Keith frowned, eying the ship warily. "Not to knock the ship that saved my life, but it kind of gives me the creeps."

Pidge frowned, her brows knitting together. "It's an inanimate object. How can it give you the creeps?"

"Uh, I'll have you know that there are plenty of inanimate objects out there that can give people the creeps." Hunk interjected. "Ventriloquist dummies, for example."

"What's a-?" Keith began, before he shook his head. "No, you know what? Nevermind."

"Good call, trust me." Hunk assured him.

Akira was inclined to agree. There was a lot of stuff from Earth that he kind of wanted to see in person, but a ventriloquist dummy wasn't one of them.

"Look, the point is that something about the ship just feels off." Keith said. "I can't explain it exactly, but being this close to it... it just feels kind of _dead_."

Pidge opened her mouth to say something, before quickly snapping it shut. Her brows knit together as if in consideration, before she ducked past the three of them, placing a hand on the ship's hull.

"Huh," Pidge's frown deepened, "-I think I might actually understand what you mean."

"Yeah." Hunk agreed. "It doesn't feel like Voltron."

Akira blinked, looking at the ship anew. He sort of knew what Voltron felt like, seeing as he had Keith's memories, but as he'd since learned, there was a massive gap between knowing and experiencing. It wasn't like he could sense Voltron- or any of the lions. The red lion had allowed him to fly her that one time, but she had been indulging her true paladin, not him. He'd never been able to _feel_ her.

He doubted he ever would. But he was fine with that.

Right?

"Whatever Alfor did when he built Voltron, I don't think Lotor was able to replicate it." Keith said. "It's definitely a powerful ship, but it's just... _empty_."

"Well, _that's_ creepy." Hunk said, taking a step back. "I for one suggest we all get as far away from the creepy zombie ship as quickly as possible."

Akira frowned, ducking his head a bit so that his bangs hid his expression. He wasn't sure why, but suddenly he felt a bit sorry for the ship. He felt silly for it- it wasn't like it was alive, not like the lions were. It couldn't get offended, or feel hurt. It just _was_.

"Are you kidding?" Pidge asked. "That only makes it more interesting. Just think about what we could learn if we studied it. Maybe we could finally figure out just how the lions work."

"And you can do that later." Hunk told her, putting his hands on her shoulders and steering her away from the ship. "But right now, we're baking."

"But I _hate_ baking." Pidge complained.

"Baking's a science, Pidge." Hunk told her. "Come on, it'll be fun. I mean, as long as you're not as bad in the kitchen as Shiro is."

There was a slight pause there, before Hunk added, "-are you?"

"No one is as bad in the kitchen as Shiro." Pidge said, rolling her eyes.

Behind his veil of hair, Akira grimaced. He could still recall the time Shiro had tried to make dinner when Adam was sick- except no, he couldn't, because that wasn't his memory. It belonged to Keith, who he couldn't be, since the real thing was standing right next to him, watching Pidge and Hunk's argument with interest.

"You coming, Keith?" Hunk asked. "I could always use my favorite sous-chef."

"Sure. Sounds fun." Keith cracked a smile, though he couldn't help but notice the way it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Great." Hunk beamed, already sort of shoving Pidge forward as he made to leave. "This'll be fun. We can try out that cocoa substitute I picked up the other day, and-"

He paused, looking back over his shoulder with a slight frown. "Aren't you coming?"

Blinking, Akira lifted his head, staring at Hunk. Glancing behind him to see if anyone else was there, he looked back at the yellow paladin, confused. "Me?"

"Yeah, you." Pidge said, answering for Hunk.

"I thought you said this was paladin bonding time?" Akira asked.

"Yeah, and?" Pidge asked, staring at him expectantly.

"I'm not a paladin?" Akira said helplessly, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, but you're family." Hunk said, extending a hand back towards him. "Come on. We can make something light and easy to digest."

Shifting awkwardly on his feet, Akira stared down at the proffered hand, before looking back up at Hunk and Pidge. He thought he understood the fact that the paladins actually wanted him around, but he was having a hard time actually grasping it. It always just made him feel kind of like an intruder when they invited him to hang out.

He felt a light hand on his shoulder. Looking towards it, he met Keith's eyes. He smiled at him, nodding his head encouragingly.

Right. It was easy to forget, but he knew how he felt. There had been a point when he'd felt like an imposter too.

"Okay," Akira said slowly, accepting Hunk's hand, "-sounds fun."

Hunk lit up, and Akira felt himself smile as well. With a quick word to Coran, he let the trio of paladins escort him out of the hangar. Just before the doors shut behind him, he caught himself looking back, his gaze lingering on Lotor's ship- his empty ship, a pale imitation of Voltron that lacked its spark.

Seized by a sudden fear, he quickly looked away. What if the ship wasn't the only thing empty inside? He was just a pale imitation too, wasn't he?

"Akira?" Keith's voice broke through his reverie. "Something wrong?"

Swallowing, Akira shook his head. "Just thinking."

Narrowing his eyes, Keith didn't look convinced- but a quick glance towards Hunk and Pidge apparently told him now wasn't quite the time to push. "Okay. Just making sure."

Nodding his head, Akira hurried to catch up. He still lagged behind the other three, trying to convince himself that his doubts were just that- doubts. He was fine. He existed. Wasn't that all that mattered?

He hoped.

* * *

With Lotor dealt with for the time being, Shiro made almost a beeline to the main hangar to check on Keith. They hadn't really had a chance to talk about his near suicide run, and though he sensed the group hug from earlier had definitely helped ground him, it wasn't something he felt like he could just leave alone. He didn't think that Keith was actually suicidal, but the fact that he had been so ready to throw away his life for them just didn't sit well with him.

Of course it didn't. He had already lost Keith once. He couldn't lose him again.

He should have known he wasn't the only one thinking that. He just didn't expect Regris to be back so soon. He'd been on his way to the kitchen, where Hunk had dragged Keith, alongside Pidge and Akira, when he ran into the Blade in question. He hadn't seen his ship in the main hangar when he'd been there, but he quickly recalled that Regris typically docked his ship in the red lion's hangar instead. It was pretty understandable that they'd missed each other.

"Regris," Shiro slowly began, hoping he didn't betray too much, "-you're back."

"I heard about Kethe." Regris said in lieu of a greeting. "Coran told me he was here when I landed. I assume you're here for the same reason."

It was impossible to tell if the Blade was angry or not, and if he was, just _who_ he was angry at. He gave almost nothing away. His mask was off and his hood was down, but they might have well both been up for all that he could read his expression. Even the tail prosthetic that Pidge and Hunk had built for him with Matt's help was perfectly still.

"Guess we both had the same idea." Shiro said.

There was no denying the awkward air between the two of them. He wasn't exactly proud of it, but he'd kind of been avoiding Regris. It wasn't like they _never_ spoke, but most of their conversations were purely perfunctory, mostly about missions and intelligence reports. They never actually talked about anything more personal, though he knew Regris was on relatively friendly terms with most of the other paladins.

They never talked about Keith.

He just couldn't bring himself to do it. It was strange- it hadn't been so hard at first. Back when the only thing he had known about Regris was that he'd been Keith's mentor in the Blade, talking to him had actually been easy. Now every time he saw him, he was just reminded of the fact that he'd been replaced.

It was a stupid, petty thought. He knew that. It wasn't even that he _hated_ Regris. He just couldn't help but conflate him with everything he'd lost.

(Well, not _everything_. He couldn't blame losing his arm or his relationship with Adam on Regris. Thankfully he wasn't _that_ far gone.)

"So we did." Regris said. "Is Lotor secure?"

"For now." Shiro said. "How did things go on the planet you were assigned?"

"Well." Regris reported. "We had no issues with pacifying the Empire."

Shiro nodded, taking comfort in the familiar talk. "Good to hear."

Silence hung in the air for a few seconds more, before Regris frowned, the first hint of emotion on his otherwise stoic face. "We don't seem to speak much."

"No, I guess we don't." Shiro inwardly winced- he'd been hoping that Regris hadn't noticed. He guessed he wasn't trained in espionage for nothing.

He wondered if Keith did, before concluding that he must have some idea. He rarely talked about Regris when he was around, unless it was just to update him on the progress of his prosthetic, or whatever mission it was Regris was on- again, purely perfunctory. The thought sat poorly with him, wondering if he'd been putting Keith out all this time.

The ugly, bitter part of him relished in it, though. He'd replaced him. He _deserved_ to feel awkward about it.

It was just as stupid a thought as Regris having replaced him, he knew. None of this was Keith's fault. If anything, he was glad that he had been able to find someone in the Blade to fill his shoes. He couldn't imagine what it had been like for him in those early days with the Blade- with no memories, not even a sense of his own identity. He should be _grateful_ to Regris, not resent him.

And he was- don't get him wrong. He _absolutely_ was grateful.

He just... yeah, he resented him a little.

_A lot_ , sometimes.

"You know," Shiro began, "-I did already speak with him earlier. You should talk to him though. I think he'd be glad to hear from you."

Regris blinked, slightly tilting his head. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Shiro lied. "I can always catch him later."

Regris' frown grew tighter, but thankfully he opted not to say anything. He didn't know if he could take having that kind of conversation with him, not when he'd only just started to come to grips with his own misplaced feelings of grief. He never thought he'd experience mourning someone who was actually still alive.

Anyways, Regris would probably be better suited to the task. There were things about Keith that he just didn't understand anymore, and the mentality he'd been taught in the Blade was one of them. He'd always been hoping that Keith hadn't embraced their creed of _knowledge or death_ , but maybe he had.

He'd also been there when Ulaz died. He knew what an emotional, grieving Keith was like.

He didn't know if he did. Not anymore. The best thing he could do for Keith was to step down, let someone better qualified handle this.

He just wasn't used to that someone not being _him_.


	2. brothers side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories or no memories, he was Keith's brother. It was about time he started acting like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is done! And no, you're not hallucinating, I did change the title. No deep reason, I just liked it better! I will admit that there's parts of this that I'm still hammering out as I'm working on it, so a few of my ideas for this installment are a little less... defined than some of the other parts, but that's part of the fun of writing!
> 
> I think we'll definitely still be covering Sam's rescue in this section of the fic, and we'll be getting his POV too! I'm looking forward to that part- if you thought Matt was an outsider viewing in POV, it'll have nothing on his father. Not sure if the chapter number will stick at four or not, but I imagine I'll have that figured out by next update!

In the end, it was decided that Lotor would remain imprisoned on the Castle.

As much as Allura detested the idea of allowing him to remain, she detested the idea of putting their allies at risk even more. Though Lotor had claimed that his generals had betrayed him, they had no proof of that statement. Just their absence at his side wasn't nearly enough, not when their absence could prove potentially advantageous. If Lotor was lying, then they could easily spring him from prison. The Coalition as a whole would be safer if Lotor remained on the Castle.

While Shiro had some... _reservations_ about keeping prisoners, given his time as one, he nevertheless understood the necessity. Lotor wasn't the only prisoner that they had taken after the fall of Naxzela, though he _was_ their most high profile one. All they could do was attempt to do better than the Empire, even if some of the captured Galra quite frankly didn't deserve it. Those who had held high rank on colonized planets would be judged by the people of those planets. As for the rank and file, they would have to figure out how to deal with them at some point, though this was possibly a task better left to the Blade of Marmora.

But all of that was still a ways away, and they had other issues to worry about right this second.

Like Lotor.

And Lotor's ship.

"As far as we can tell, while both the propulsion and weapons systems are more advanced than Voltron, the- Shiro, are you even listening?"

Jolting to attention, Shiro coughed into his hand. "Sorry, Pidge. Just distracted."

Pidge pursed her lips, staring at him skeptically. He offered her a weak smile in response. Keith had left on a mission with Regris just that morning, and it was all he could think about it. Ostensibly, he was just worried about him after his recent near-death encounter, but he knew it wasn't just that. If the mission was with any Blade but Regris, he wouldn't be this distracted.

He'd secretly been hoping that by ignoring the problem, it might eventually go away. If anything, it was getting _worse_. Which, Shiro begrudgingly admitted, probably meant he actually needed that talk with Regris after all.

"You were saying something about the ship's engines?" Shiro asked.

Pidge huffed slightly. " _And_ its weapons systems. Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Just worried about Keith." Shiro half-lied.

He felt a little guilty at how quickly Pidge accepted that explanation. "Do you think Lotor's intel could be a trap?"

Shiro frowned. He didn't trust Lotor, but he didn't think he would be stupid enough to show his hand _this_ early. He'd begun to provide them with intelligence, as promised, and the Blade of Marmora was moving to check out those first few leads. Voltron was still needed here, and with their experience with infiltration, the Blade had been the perfect choice to privately investigate Lotor's claims.

If any one of the teams that Kolivan had sent- or all of them, he guessed- found a trap waiting for them, then they would know right away that Lotor was lying. So no, his gut instinct was that Lotor was telling the truth, though whether or not it would _stay_ that way remained to be seen.

But as much as he wanted to give Pidge a sound _no_ , he couldn't. There was always the chance he was wrong.

He'd been wrong before, like the time he'd taken a chance on that day-old yogurt or that time he thought it would be a good idea to go to Kerberos. If there was one thing both food poisoning and being stuck an intergalactic war had taught him, it was to hedge his bets.

"I think it's unlikely." Shiro finally said. "But we should be prepared for anything."

He hadn't wanted Keith to go for that very reason. But if there was one thing about him that hadn't changed, it was the fact that you couldn't tell him anything. At least Regris had promised to keep him safe, and whatever else he thought about the Blade, he could believe that.

"Have you asked him about my father yet?" Pidge asked.

Shiro frowned, for an entirely different reason this time. "You know we can't, not until we're sure we can trust him. If this is a trap..."

"-then the Galra Empire will know just how much we want to get dad back. That could put him in even more danger." Pidge half-recited, her face crinkling in anger. "I know."

Shiro gave her shoulder a soft squeeze, giving her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Pidge. If he tells us on his own, that's a different matter, but until then, we just have to wait."

The fact that they _hadn't_ attempted to use Sam against them yet was proof of three things- that the Galra Empire didn't know Pidge was his daughter, that they thought Matt was dead, and that Haggar hadn't been able to view Keith's memories for herself. While Keith had been captured long before they found Matt, he had still known about Pidge's relation to the Commander. Based on how eager Haggar had been to use Keith against them, he couldn't imagine that she would pass up on a similar chance to potentially exploit Commander Holt.

"I know." Pidge grumbled, staring daggers at the floor. "But we're so _close_. Lotor was in charge of the Galra Empire for _months_ , and he recognized my brother. He _has_ to know something."

He didn't doubt he did, and was purposefully holding out on them. It was frustrating, but at least they had _some_ reassurance that he was at least alive. Sam was a brilliant scientist, and the Galra Empire was always eager to exploit the minds of the brilliant. They wouldn't want to waste talent like that, so keeping him alive was likely priority.

"I know." Shiro said. "And we'll get him back. I promise."

Pidge nodded, glaring at the floor for a few seconds longer before she sucked in a deep breath. "What was I saying?"

"Something about weapons systems?" Shiro offered.

" _And_ engines." Pidge added, huffing slightly. "Anyways, the important thing is that this ship isn't alive like the lions are. It's powerful, sure, but it's no Voltron."

Shiro frowned, looking towards the ship. They were keeping it in the main hangar, where it stuck out like a sore thumb next to all the Altean pods. It kind of reminded him of the aquariums back home- and of the sharks that were mixed in with the other fish. It belonged in theory, but there was no denying the air of menace it held. Pidge, Hunk, and Coran had been pouring over every detail of the ship since it had come into their possession, though it was Keith who had apparently picked up on how _empty_ the ship felt at first.

At this close of a range, Shiro couldn't help but agree.

"So Lotor failed." Shiro stated. "At least that part of his story's true."

"Allura thinks the difference has something to do with Altean alchemy." Pidge said. "She's just not sure what."

Shiro arched his brows at that. "So there's a chance he could be here for Allura."

"It's possible." Pidge shrugged. "But she doesn't know much about alchemy either."

"She doesn't, but Lotor doesn't know that." Shiro pointed out.

If Lotor really _was_ here for Allura, then they'd have to be careful to avoid leaving the two of them alone at any point. As it stood, they already avoided sending anyone down to his cell by themselves- it was always in groups of two or three. He might not be able to escape from it easily, but caution was always prudent.

He wasn't going to risk having another paladin captured. Not again.

"I just hate the idea that there's another one of these things out there." Pidge said, screwing her face into a frown. "At least Lotor brought the rest of the comet with him."

Shiro fought back a shudder. It was bad enough there was still one comet ship unaccounted for, but at least the comet was back in their hands now. He couldn't imagine what Haggar would do with it if she got her hands on it. Unlike Allura, she _did_ have some skill with Altean alchemy.

"With any luck, Lotor's telling the truth, and his generals are still on the run from the Empire." Shiro said.

"Yeah, but for how long?" Pidge asked.

Shiro just shook his head. He didn't have an answer to that.

"Well, at least-"

He didn't get to hear the end of Pidge's sentence, the sound of a ship's engine cutting her off. That was enough to give away the fact that it wasn't one of the Blade groups returning- their ships were silent. No, this was the sound of an Altean pod, and there was only one person who had taken one out today. Turning his head, he managed a faint smile, watching as one clumsily landed at the far end of the hangar.

"Oh," Pidge smiled, having apparently totally forgotten what she was going to say, "-guess Coran and Akira are back."

"Looks like it." Shiro said. "Come on, let's see how his lesson went."

Making their way over to the Altean pod, they made it just in time to watch as the pod's cockpit dematerialized. Coran was beaming, but that could mean just about anything, Shiro knew.

"Well," Coran chirped, "-that didn't go so bad!"

"I nearly ran into a debris field." Akira remarked, pulling off his helmet. He hadn't cut his hair yet, so it was currently twined up in a sloppy bun that probably would have had Allura's nose crinkle with disapproval if she saw it. It came out of it easily, the clone shaking it out presumably in an attempt to make it more orderly, but just resulted in a bigger mess.

He tried to keep his focus on his face, and not on the way he could still just barely count his ribs through the form-fitting fabric of his flight suit. He'd come a long way, but it was going to take some time before he built up the fat and muscle tone he'd lost.

"Ah, but you only did it once!" Coran eagerly pointed out. "The last time you tried flying, you nearly got us killed on three separate occasions! That's quite the improvement!"

"...thanks." Akira said, with all the dryness he could muster. The added raspiness in his voice somehow managed to make it sound even more sarcastic than it already was.

"Sounds like the two of you had an exciting time." Shiro said.

Akira startled, looking their way with surprise. He obviously hadn't expected a welcome committee. "I'm not sure if _exciting_ is the word I would choose."

Shiro just smiled. "How was the lesson?"

"Fine, I guess." Akira frowned, his brows knitting together. It wasn't hard to guess that he was mentally comparing it to what was in his head, and was coming up short. "What are you doing here?"

"Pidge was just giving me a briefing on Lotor's ship." Shiro said, watching as Akira's face fell as he realized that they hadn't been there for him.

"Oh. Right. The ship." Akira said, ducking his head in an attempt to hide his expression.

Shiro inwardly winced, even though he knew lying to Akira would be even worse. If he was anything like Keith in that regard, then he'd probably prefer honesty over a pretty lie. Still, watching him look dejected like this stung.

"You have anything planned for the rest of the day?" Shiro asked. "Allura has us scheduled to pass out supplies to the new refugees coming in. We could use the help."

Peeking out from behind his bangs, Akira blinked, then shook his head. "I was just going to help Coran."

"Oh, I think I can spare you for a day or so." Coran said. "Go on, have fun."

"I'm not sure passing out supplies is exactly _fun_." Pidge remarked.

Chewing on his lip, Akira nodded his head. "Just let me change first."

"Don't forget the sunblock!" Coran called after him. "We can't have you turning as pink as Allura's armor again!"

Although he was facing away from them, judging from the way Akira flinched, Shiro was positive that he'd just turned bright red. Apparently one of the side effects of having been raised in an environment with no sun was an excessive sensitivity to it, as they had found out when Akira had returned to the Castle with an awful sunburn after only spending less than an hour outside. Thankfully, the healing pods turned out to be able to heal sunburns, but he'd had Coran mix up some sunblock for him anyways. While he could definitely use some more sun, they'd just have to take it slow.

Hastily nodding his head, Akira wordlessly ducked out of the room.

"We'll meet you in the cargo hold!" Pidge called after him, the clone merely lifting a hand to indicate that he'd heard her.

"I take it you're all done with Lotor's ship, then." Coran remarked, looking across the room at it. He wondered what the Altean was thinking, but whatever it was, he kept it to himself. Maybe it brought back memories.

"We're done for now." Shiro said. "You're sure its secure?"

"Oh, don't you worry. Nobody's going to be getting into that ship, I promise." Coran assured him. "You two run along now. You've got aid to provide."

"Sorry for stealing your assistant." Shiro said.

"Ah, think nothing of it." Coran waved a hand. "He needs all the life experience he can get, I reckon."

Shiro couldn't exactly argue with that. Putting his borrowed memories aside, the time Akira had spent free of Galra chains was just a little over a month. He'd made remarkable progress in that time, but he still had a lot of work ahead of him if he was ever going to make up for lost time.

He wanted to do what he could to help with that. But just like with Keith, sometimes he didn't know if he was the right person for it. Out of all the paladins, he had spent the most time with Keith- and that meant Akira had more memories of him than anyone else. He saw it in the way he would subconsciously react to him and then flinch, as if he'd done something wrong. He wanted to assure him that he hadn't, but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if a little distance wasn't what was best for the both of them.

Akira had been made as a replacement for Keith. That knowledge had weighed heavily on him for so long, and now that he had finally started to get past that... he wasn't about to risk allowing himself to fall into the same habits he had with Keith. It would be good for literally no one- not him, not Akira, and definitely not Keith.

Narrowing his eyes, Shiro looked up at Lotor's ship. Speaking of things that weren't good for anyone... maybe he _did_ need to have that talk with Regris after all. Nothing good would come from letting things continue on like this.

Memories or no memories, he was Keith's brother. It was about time he started acting like it.

* * *

Olkarion, Akira had decided, was _great_.

He'd stepped foot on a small handful of other planets since then. The Balmera was nice, but it reminded him too much of memories that weren't his. Naxzela was just metallic and cold, and reminded him too much of what nearly could have been. Puig was nice too, but... well, it was mostly desert, and the desert felt too much like home to him for him to be entirely comfortable with it.

But Olkarion? Olkarion had vast forests and even vaster seas. All terrains that Keith was largely unfamiliar with, and even better, he had no memories of the planet from him. It was uniquely _his_.

That said, it was kind of hard to appreciate Olkarion when he was sweating this much. He'd only worked for half the time the paladins had, and his tunic was already damp. He still hadn't quite succeeded in his quest to find a replacement- nothing in the clothing stores really leapt out at him. He kept meaning to take the money Coran had given him and go down to the market, but he could never work up the nerve to go alone, and asking someone to go with him was out of the question.

Taking a sip of the iced tea like concoction that he'd been given by one of the Olkari, Akira watched as the paladins continued to pass out supply kits. He was sitting in the shade the Castle provided, next to a cooling fan. Hunk had basically escorted him there by force when he realized how badly he was sweating, and when he'd been too stubborn to go back inside the Castle. He didn't want to look weak, even though he knew objectively that he was.

He'd kind of thought they'd have less refugees now that they had taken back so much of the Galra Empire's territory. But all of those bases had contained dozens, if not hundreds of prisoners, all of whom needed to be sorted out and dealt with. Olkarion had once again become a central hub for that effort, a peaceful place far away from the monolithic bases where they had been held prisoners. No one who had been held in them wanted to stay in them, a desire which he could fully understand.

Some would go back to their home planets. Others would join the fight. Even more would settle somewhere in the new territory, unable to return home, and either not able or too scared to take up arms against the Galra. There was no judgement- not everyone was born to fight.

As he watched the refugees, he thought about An. Her mother still hadn't been found, and even she was starting to look a little long in the face these days.

He could sympathize- and couldn't. The closest thing he had to a mother was Haggar, and he didn't want her. He had Keith's memories of losing his father, but he didn't even _begin_ to think that just the memories alone could allow him to understand how he had felt.

Memories and experiences were not the same. He understood that fully now.

"Long day?"

Jerking his head up, Akira's mouth formed an O of surprise. He hadn't even noticed Keith approach.

"When did you get back?" Akira asked, at a loss for any other words.

"Just now." Keith told him. "Coran told me I'd find you all here."

He was still in his Blade armor, his hood up so that it shadowed his face. It was easy to tell who among the newcomers were familiar with the Blade of Marmora or not based on the way they looked at him. The suspicious ones just saw the Galra, but the ones who knew saw the armor first, and looked away.

Akira hummed, staring down at his iced tea. They still hadn't exactly sorted out what their relationship was. There hadn't been time. It always seemed like there was never any time, which was in great contrast to when he had been a prisoner- when it always seemed like there was too _much_ time.

Lance had jokingly referred to them as _twins_ , but it felt... presumptuous to think of Keith as a brother. He was still having trouble grasping the idea that he was allowed to be his own person, much less a person _at all_ , and not just a tool to be used and exploited.

"Ah, good Blade," the same Olkarion that had given him his drink greeted Keith, "-would you like one as well?"

Keith blinked almost owlishly at the offer, before slowly inclining his head. "Uh, sure."

"Help yourself." The Olkarion held up his tray of drinks.

Keith picked one out, giving it a surreptitious sniff, before cracking an awkward smile, as if he was trying to avoid showing too many teeth. "Thanks."

"Think nothing of it." The Olkarion said before moving on- though not before casting a strange look between the two of them. He wasn't sure why, when they didn't look that much alike anymore, before Akira recalled he'd behaved in exactly the same way as Keith upon being offered a drink.

He didn't know what to think about that, so he just... didn't. It was easier not to.

"What is this?" Keith asked, taking a small sip. "It tastes sweet."

"No clue." Akira shook his head. "It tastes kind of like iced tea though. Maybe."

He could tell by the way his lips pulled slightly downwards that Keith had gotten what he meant. He theoretically knew what iced tea was and what it tasted like, but he'd never actually _had_ any. Keith had though, only he didn't remember it.

Taking another sip, Keith squinted at the drink. "I can't tell if it tastes familiar or not."

Akira took another sip of his own, sloshing it around in his mouth a bit. His taste buds would probably remember even if Keith himself didn't, but to his, the drink was a new experience. "I mean, it's not _exactly_ the same, so..."

Keith just hummed again. Looking down at his feet, Akira wondered if he'd said the wrong thing again. He knew his memories were just as much a sore spot for Keith as they were for him, if for entirely different reasons. So why had he just blurted something like that out?

As the silence stretched on, he racked his brain over what to do. Should he just pretend nothing had been said? Should he apologize? He didn't know how to deal with these situations, and ironically enough the memories that were the source of so many of his problems- including this one- were being very unhelpful at telling him what to do. Keith was _terrible_ with conflict resolution.

And so, apparently, was he.

"Guess I'll just have to wait until we get back to Earth to try the real thing."

Blinking, Akira looked up, his lips twisting in a frown. "You're not mad?"

Keith tilted his head, staring down at him in genuine confusion. "Why would I be mad?"

"I thought... I don't know. That you didn't want stuff like that brought up." Akira said.

 _Especially from me_ , but he managed to refrain from actually saying that out loud.

"I don't think food is something to get upset about." Keith said.

"Oh." Akira blinked, staring back down at his feet again. Right, of course. He'd just overreacted. Ducking his head, he felt a heat that was entirely unassociated with the sun tint his cheeks.

Ugh. Dealing with people was harder than he thought.

Not knowing what else to say, Akira just turned back to his drink. He guessed things were just going to be awkward between them for awhile longer yet.

* * *

It was with a great amount of surprise that Shiro noticed Keith standing next to Akira. He hadn't even known he was back- he'd been under the impression that their mission would take all day. Then again, a quick check at his armor's internal clock revealed that several hours had passed since he'd spoken with Akira in the hangar, so they very well could have finished their mission in that amount of time.

He was glad to see him back in one piece. It meant the mission had gone well.

But it also meant Regris was back.

Frowning, Shiro looked away. Now that he was faced with the actual real prospect of talking things out with Regris, he found himself making excuses to put it off. It was true that there were still plenty of refugees that needed to be sorted and needed to receive their supply kits, but they were starting to wind down, and the loss of one extra hand wouldn't impact them substantially. And while it was true that Regris had just come off a mission, it was just an infiltration mission, and judging by Keith's easy state, it had likely gone well.

The only real justification he had for putting it off was that Regris might be reporting to Kolivan, but he knew that was a pretty weak excuse too. There was a strong possibility that they had already reported to Kolivan on the way back, and it wasn't like it wouldn't take long if they hadn't. In the time it took him to find Regris, it would be over and done with.

No, all he was doing was looking for a way to weasel out of this, and he wasn't going to let himself.

If anything, now might be the ideal time to do it. With almost everyone out of the Castle aside from maybe Coran, there would be no one to interrupt and keep him from saying what needed to be said.

(And more importantly, no one to _overhear_.)

"Allura," he said, catching the princess' attention, "-think you can take over for me? There's something I need to take care of."

Allura blinked, surprised by the sudden request. "Of course. Is something wrong?"

"No. Just something personal I need to deal with." Shiro told her.

Allura frowned slightly. "If you say so. But you will let me know if something is wrong, correct?"

"Promise." Shiro told her.

"In that case, I have things more than handled here." Allura said.

"Thanks." Shiro said before ducking away, heading back to the Castle's transport pod. Behind him, he could hear Allura taking over the distribution of supplies and assuring the other paladins that everything was fine, and that he was just leaving to take care of something he'd forgotten to do earlier in the day. He didn't doubt she'd have the situation well in hand.

It was easy to forget that Allura was several years younger than him sometimes, given how composed she could be. The old man in him kind of wished she'd relax more. Heck, the old man in him kind of wished _he'd_ relax more.

But now wasn't the time for relaxing. Now was the time for talk.

* * *

Somehow, Regris wasn't all that surprised to find the black paladin waiting for him. He'd just finished his briefing with Kolivan, his and Kethe's mission having gone well. It left a strange taste in his mouth, acting on information they had ascertained from Lotor, but he couldn't deny that it had been useful.

The Blade had many agents still within Galra ranks, but the Galra Empire was vast, and they were few. Whenever they closed an information gap, a new one seemed to open up.

"I take it the mission went well." Shiro remarked, making what the humans apparently called _small talk_. He doubted he'd come all this way just to talk about the mission, though, not from the look in his eyes.

There was much he didn't understand about these humans, even after living alongside them for a few phoebs. But he didn't need to understand them to know that the black paladin had been... _avoiding him_ , in a sense. He hadn't been sure why at first, not until he'd heard from the green paladin's brother that Shiro and Kethe had once been as close as family.

Then everything fell into place.

"There were no problems." Regris remarked. "The intel from Lotor checked out."

"Glad to hear it." Shiro said. "Though I'm still not sure about trusting him."

"Nor am I." Regris agreed.

Were it not for the intelligence he might be able to provide them with, he would have opted to kill Lotor on the spot, and even then he wasn't sure if he was worth the trouble. He may have saved Kethe's life, but it was through pure circumstance, and not intention, so therefore he owed him nothing. They would be able to gather intelligence on their own, as they had been doing for centuries, gap or not.

The Blade of Marmora's numbers were small, yes, but they had begun to grow ever since they had allied with the paladins. He didn't doubt that there would be defectors amongst those they had captured during their most recent undertaking- those who had seen through the Galra Empire's campaign of propaganda, but didn't know how or were too afraid to rebel.

The Voltron Coalition reclaiming such a massive swath of territory back from the Galra Empire might give them just the courage they needed.

"Do you have time?" Shiro finally managed to ask. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"I take it it's not about the mission." Regris observed.

"No." Shiro said. "It's not."

Truthfully, if Shiro hadn't asked to speak about it soon, he would have been the one to confront him. Kethe had begun to notice, and he could sense that it was a source of distress for him. While most of the tension between him and the paladins was gone, Kethe had been in a difficult situation for some time, and there was still some awkwardness from that simmering under the surface. This... _situation_ , should it continue, had the potential to cause that simmering tension to come to light.

He didn't want to risk damaging the progress that Kethe had made here.

"I have time." Regris said simply.

"You've... done a lot for Keith." Shiro began. "I'm not sure if I ever thanked you."

"No thanks are necessary." Regris said. "It is customary for the younger members of the Blade to be looked after by the older."

"Still," Shiro said, "-from the sound of it, you helped him a lot."

 _While I wasn't there for him_ , Regris sensed he meant to continue.

"Walk with me, paladin." Regris said, taking a few steps forward without waiting for Shiro to follow. He didn't need to. He quickly caught up, walking beside him.

"So... how's the new tail working?" Shiro asked, glancing down at it.

"Like a charm." Regris said, drawing amusement from the human turn of phrase. It was one he enjoyed. "It was worth going through all the different prototypes first."

Were Ulaz alive, he would have thought it a marvel. It was roughly the same size and weight as his actual tail, so adjusting to it was rather simple. Its reaction time was a bit slow, but he imagined that was something that could be improved upon with time. As far was he was concerned, it was nice to just be able to walk again without stumbling over his own feet, not to mention being capable of running missions again.

"Good to hear it." Shiro nodded. "Keith was really worried about you."

Regris felt the edges of his lips twitch into a smile. He had grown incredibly fond of the child, more than he'd first thought. When he'd heard that he had nearly sacrificed himself, his heart had dropped to his stomach. He was used to Blades giving their lives for the cause, but Kethe was no mere Blade.

He shouldn't have to die like one.

He shook off the thought, glancing down towards Shiro. Unlike humans, the Galra were not much for small talk, so he decided it best he simply move on to the reason he was likely here.

"You are upset things between the two of you have changed."

Beside him, Shiro winced. "Is it that obvious?"

"I'm not sure Kethe has entirely noticed yet." Regris assured him. "Although he _does_ notice you avoid me. It concerns him."

Shiro's wince deepened. "I was afraid of that."

Coming to a halt, Regris studied the black paladin. While he would never know the full extent to his prior relationship with Kethe, he could see the one that they currently had. He knew they were both holding back, like there was an invisible threshold between them that they were each afraid to cross. If even just one of them took that first step, the problem would be solved, but neither of them were willing to do so.

If he was going to be honest, it was sort of starting to get on his nerves.

"I don't think that's what you're actually afraid of."

"No," Shiro admitted, "-it's not. I'm afraid of being replaced."

"You see me as a threat." Regris said.

Looking up, Shiro met his eyes. "Yes."

Regris held his gaze for a few ticks, before he snorted. "That's not a fear you need to have. I don't know what it is that you did for Kethe in the past, but just because he no longer remembers it, it does not change the fact that whatever it was, it saved him."

Shiro huffed. "All it did was lead him to be captured by an evil witch."

" _That_ is not your fault. It was just misfortune." Regris said firmly. "Kethe does not blame you, so you should not blame yourself."

Shiro dropped his gaze, and for the first time, Regris sensed that there was maybe something _more_ to this. Narrowing his eyes, he tried to puzzle it out, before Shiro provided the answer himself.

" _Kethe_ doesn't. I might never know if _Keith_ did."

* * *

The admission felt hot on his tongue. Admitting how much of a difference he saw between the two was something that had been difficult to tell even Coran, but Regris? He hadn't planned on mentioning it at all to him. It just... _came out_.

"I didn't mean-"

"But you did." Regris finished, his tone frustratingly neutral. Kolivan had trained his Blades irritatingly well.

Realizing that he couldn't lie to him, Shiro let his shoulders slump. This wasn't what he had wanted to talk about, but it was out there now, and he couldn't exactly take it back. The responsible thing to do would be to own up to it.

"It's not like that." Shiro said. "It's just... it's difficult to get used to."

"The change?" Regris inquired.

"Yeah." Shiro agreed, then thought better of it. "Not the- not the physical stuff. That's fine. It's more... well, everything else."

He kept the fact that the physical stuff _had_ involved some adjustment on his part too, but that was normal and to be expected. The physical changes actually felt a lot less significant now than they had in the past, when Keith had first returned. The more used to him looking Galra he became, the easier it was to see the places where he hadn't changed.

He wished dealing with the rest of it was only just a matter of adjustment.

Regris simply hummed, continuing on as if he was completely unaffected by what he'd said. That was the most difficult part of dealing with him, Shiro couldn't help but think. Most of the Blades he had dealt with were pretty stoic, but for the most part, it wasn't a problem. He wasn't exactly having emotional conversations with them, just cut and dry conversations about the war effort. He didn't need to be able to read their faces for that.

But Regris? He couldn't figure out what Regris thought of him.

"You were close." Regris said simply. "Once."

The _once_ stung, but he couldn't deny it. It wasn't as if they were _distant_ , but... sometimes it felt like there was a threshold that he just couldn't cross. He remembered Keith, defiant and wary, hesitant to trust him- and how he'd had to _earn_ that trust. It had taken time and effort, and he just didn't feel as if he'd put in that same time and effort this time around to regain said trust.

Keith didn't remember him. He couldn't just claim that they had been like family once and expect him to start treating him like a brother again. It didn't work that way.

"Once." Shiro agreed, trying not to stare at the floor. "I helped him get into the Galaxy Garrison. Adam and I looked after him- at least, we did until the Kerberos mission."

"Adam?" Regris questioned.

"My fiancee." Shiro winced, unconsciously touching his right wrist, where his electro-stimulator had once been. It was long gone now, along with his flesh and blood arm and his disease. " _Ex_ -fiancee, actually. It's complicated."

"Ah." Regris simply said. He was grateful the Blade didn't press. He was already having one conversation that he hadn't quite planned on having with him, he didn't want to turn it into _two_. He didn't need him to know just how much of a screw-up he could be with relationships.

Not just the _romantic_ ones either, he couldn't help but think.

"He was like a brother to me." Shiro confessed.

"And he thought of you the same?" Regris asked.

"Maybe. Keith could be a pretty private person." Shiro admitted, before again, rethinking his choice of words. "Or, well... he used to be."

His face fell a little as he said that, but he sucked it up. It should be a _good_ thing that Keith was more open now, even if he couldn't quite shake the bitter taste of it only being the result of memory loss. Keith was definitely happier, and that _should_ have been the most important thing.

Except where it mattered most, he _wasn't_ Keith. Keith had died, alone and afraid, and he'd done nothing to stop it.

Some family he was.

Regris' lips twitched slightly downwards, the first hint of emotion the Blade had allowed on his face. Shiro instinctively felt something in him tense at the sight of it. He probably wasn't making himself look very good, was he?

"It's not just your old relationship with him that you want back, is it?" Regris asked. "It's the version of him that you knew."

Shiro stiffened, but forced himself to nod. "Don't get me wrong. I don't hate the way he is now, it's just..."

"It just reminds me of how badly I failed him." Shiro finished. "If I had worked harder, if I had taken more risks, maybe Keith would still have his memories. And I know that now that we have Akira, we have a chance at getting them back, but..."

"You feel like it won't be the same." Regris finished.

"Yeah." Shiro admitted, arching a brow. "You're pretty good at this."

"Kolivan tasks me with looking after young Blades a lot." Regris remarked, a slight hint knot forming where his brow was. "You pick up on a few things."

In spite of himself, Shiro felt a laugh escaping him. He was so used to being one of the only adults around that it was easy for him to forget that Regris was probably a fair bit older than him. Even without quintessence in their system, the Galra had fairly long lifespans.

"Look, what I really wanted to do was say that I'm sorry." Shiro said. "I shouldn't have been avoiding you like I have been. It was petty of me."

"Apology accepted." Regris said it so easily, like he hadn't even needed to think about it for a second. It only sufficed to make Shiro feel guiltier than he already was.

Still, it didn't fail to bring with it a sense of relief. Guilt aside, having his feelings out in the open air did make him feel better, so he guessed Coran was right. Maybe now he could actually focus on building a relationship with Regris, instead of pushing him away and half-resenting him for something that made no sense at all. Maybe at some point, he'd even stop feeling like he'd stolen Keith from him.

"Okay." Shiro said. "Good. I'm glad I got this off my chest."

Regris gaze briefly flickered down towards his chest, before understanding clicked. Clearly not an expression the Galra had then, but they weren't exactly prone to figures of speech. In hindsight, he wondered if that was part of the reason why Keith had always been so _literal_ \- he'd gotten the hang of it eventually, but there had still been moments when expressions had caught him off guard, especially if they were ones he wasn't used to.

In that sense... he really hadn't changed.

"I _do_ have a question, however." Regris began, just for a second looking uncertain enough for Shiro to discern. "Do your people not have a concept of souls?"

Shiro blinked, the unexpected question catching him off guard. "I- yeah, we do, actually. Why?"

Regris brow crinkled, ever so slightly. Suddenly Shiro was wondering if it wasn't that the Blade was unexpressive- but rather, if he'd just never spoken with him for long enough to notice them. They were a lot less pronounced than he was used to, and his alien features made them a bit harder to determine- mostly due to the fact that Regris had no eyebrows, or any visible hair at all for that matter, being a Galra of the scaled variety.

"I was under the impression that you didn't." Regris admitted, his prosthetic tail flicking slightly behind him.

"I didn't actually know the Galra _did_." Shiro confessed.

Regris just snorted. "That does not surprise me. I doubt the belief has persisted underneath Zarkon's rule. Going so far as to make a _clone_ -"

Shiro visibly tensed, the disgust on Regris' voice impossible to mistake. He didn't think-?

Regris cut himself off, shaking his head. "Now it is my turn to say things that are easily mistaken. Do not take that as an attack on Akira. His existence is not his fault. It is not to be held against him."

Shiro just nodded, not knowing quite what to say. Part of him wanted to press Regris more on the subject, but part of him wasn't sure he'd like what he heard. The way he said it... did he not think Akira had a soul? Or was that just a belief common to the Galra?

It made the guards' treatment of Akira make so much more sense, and it churned his gut to think that there might be others out there who possibly felt the same way. Maybe it was for the best that they had already been keeping Akira as far away from Lotor as possible. He didn't want to expose him to any further trauma. He'd been through enough already.

They still weren't sure just how much Lotor knew about Keith and Akira's situation. He knew more than they would like already, but he'd been fairly mum on any further details. It wasn't like he thought Lotor knew anything that they _didn't_ already know- Akira's discovery had been a nasty curveball, but he'd be pretty surprised if there were more out there.

"So... why the sudden question about souls?" Shiro asked, making a mental note to revisit his other questions at a later date.

He swore Regris looked almost grateful for the change of subject. "I do not know how humans view them, but to the Galra, the soul is the core of one's being. Kethe's memories may be gone, but his soul remains unchanged."

Shiro blinked, then blinked again, his brain slow to process what it was that Regris had just said. Honestly, he'd never considered himself a very spiritual person, so he'd never thought about souls before, in any context. But there was something... something almost comforting about what Regris said.

The soul was the same. The core was the same. What made Keith fundamentally Keith remained unchanged.

He didn't know if he believed it, but it was a nice sentiment.

"And besides," he swore Regris quirked a grin, "-Kethe frets about his relationship with you as well. He's simply too stubborn to admit it."

Shiro opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut instead. He hadn't noticed at all. He'd just assumed- he'd thought Keith was content with the way things were between them now, that he didn't seek anything more. They were on good terms, spoke often, but when he looked back on it... there was no real closeness between them, not in the same way there was between him and the rest of the paladins. As he'd been drawing closer to the rest, they had remained at the exact same place they had been after his birthday celebration. Consciously or not, he'd been keeping his distance.

And it was exactly because he'd been keeping his distance that he'd failed to notice that maybe Keith wanted something a little more. That maybe he wasn't against trying to be family again, like he'd assumed, but was just too nervous to breach the topic himself.

Distance, it dawned on Shiro, was _not_ the solution, like he'd thought it was. Not for him. Not for Keith. And quite possibly, not for Akira either.

"You know what?" Shiro asked. "I _should_ talk to Keith."

"Then why are you still standing around here?" Regris asked.

Shiro snorted, turning on his heel. He paused, glancing back up at Regris. "I... thanks. Talking to you was surprisingly helpful."

"Surprisingly?" Regris asked, his tail flicking behind him.

"Surprisingly." Shiro repeated, giving the Blade a cheeky grin of his own.

* * *

"Keith!"

Ears twitching, Kethe peeked behind him. He'd heard Shiro coming even before he'd called out to him, but still tried to look at least a little surprised. "Shiro?"

"Hey." Shiro said, pausing for a second to catch his breath. "See you made it back in one piece."

Upon closer examination, he must have run- or at least, walked very quickly- from wherever he had been in hopes of finding him. Not that he had moved since he'd gone back into the Castle. Akira hadn't either, the clone curiously peering up at the black paladin, even though he tried to hide it behind a veil of hair.

"Lotor's intel checked out." Kethe said, crinkling his nose in distaste. "Surprisingly. Where were you, though? I thought Allura said you had to leave to take care of something."

"And I took care of it." Shiro told him. "Actually, I was wondering if we could talk."

"Talk?" Kethe frowned, tilting his head.

"Talk." Shiro repeated.

"Sure, I guess." Kethe said. Vague as he was being, he saw no reason _not_ to.

"Should I go?" Akira hesitantly asked. "I mean, I don't want to get in the way if it's something personal."

"Actually, this involves you too." Shiro told him.

Kethe blinked, exchanging a glance with Akira. Something that involved both of them? That could be a lot of things, but based on Shiro's general demeanor, he didn't think it was something involving say, Haggar. It still gave him the chills when he thought about how close he had been to her during the battle for Naxzela. Now that time had passed, it somehow managed to be even more traumatizing than nearly dying.

"So... what's this about?" Kethe asked, his tail flicking behind him.

"I've been thinking about joining Akira's flight training." Shiro said. "And I want you to join us too, Keith."

Opening his mouth to say something, Kethe quickly realized he didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't against it, he just hadn't expected to hear the offer from Shiro. He'd been under the impression that he'd been trying to avoid doing anything that too closely mirrored the time they had spent together before his memory loss, and from what he understood, most of what he knew in terms of being a pilot had come from Shiro. So to hear him make an offer like that...

"That is, of course," Shiro continued, "-if Akira's okay with that."

"I-" Akira began, looking like he was just as much at a loss for words as he was.

"If you want to say no," there was something almost _gentle_ about the way Shiro cut him off, "-you can. Remember, there's no one here who will pressure you into doing something you don't want to do it."

Akira nodded, one hand darting down to the admittedly frayed hem of his tunic. "I'm not against it, but... aren't you busy? With Lotor and stuff?"

"I imagine we probably will be." Shiro said. "Which is why it will only be on occasion. But I taught Keith how to fly before, so I know all of his tricks. Between my knowledge and Keith's reflexes, maybe we can do something about _your_ reflex problem. Provided Keith's okay with it, that is."

All eyes now on him, Kethe blinked. Mulling it over, he finally gave Shiro a curt nod. He still wasn't sure what had prompted the sudden offer, but part of him had sort of been wanting to find an excuse to try and hang out with Shiro more. It always felt like there was some kind of invisible wall between the two of them, keeping them from getting too close. Maybe this would help.

And maybe... maybe it would even help him and Akira too. Flying the red lion with him was what had helped them get over their initial hurdle- maybe flight lessons would actually help when it came to figuring out just where they stood with each other and just what they wanted to be to each other. And that... that didn't sound so bad, actually.

Maybe _that_ was why Shiro was offering. Maybe he'd noticed.

"Well?" Shiro asked. "How about it?"

"Sure," Kethe grinned, "-I'm in."

"Great." Shiro beamed, giving both of their shoulders a soft squeeze in succession. "I should probably help Allura and the others finish up. We can hash out the details later."

Kethe simply stood there for a few ticks, watching Shiro go, his mouth slightly ajar. Finally, he closed it, glancing down towards Akira. "What was that about?"

All Akira could do was slowly shake his head.


	3. incident side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was just eying a row of jackets when someone grabbed his arm. On reflex, he fumbled for his knife, freezing up when he realized it wasn't where it was supposed to be. He only dimly remembered that he didn't actually own a knife, and that even his own reflex didn't actually belong to him. Meanwhile, the alien tightened their grip on his wrist, the pain it shot through it snapping him out of his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's an update! I think I finally have a concrete idea for this installment which also means that I'll wrap it up in the next chapter, so it'll be awhile before I cover anything else! But we are firmly in season five territory now! How exciting! We're getting so close to Krolia that I can almost taste it. Still getting used to writing on my new laptop, so my rhythm's a bit thrown off, so expect slower than usual updates until I adjust.
> 
> Until next update!

"I don't think I'm very good at this."

Setting down his helmet in his lap, Akira glowered at it in frustration. It wasn't long after Shiro's declaration that he and Keith would be joining his flight lessons that all three found the occasion to go out together, something he'd been equally excited and nervous for. He wanted to get better at piloting, sure- and maybe become of more use to Voltron- but the lesson hadn't exactly gone all that well. If it hadn't been for Keith's quick reflexes, they might all be flat as a pancake on an asteroid right now.

"It's a learning curve." Shiro assured him, resting a hand on his shoulder. He tensed at the touch, prompting the black paladin to quickly remove it. "Don't worry about it."

"But I should _know_ this." Akira blurted out- and then instantly flinched. He chanced a glance over towards Keith, who caught his gaze but just shrugged.

"Yeah, but your reflexes suck." Keith pointed out. "You need to stick to what you can do, and not what you only _think_ you can do."

His words stung, but he couldn't exactly deny that he had a point. It was just so hard to remember when he was in the moment that he _didn't_ have the abilities that his memories told him he did. Maybe right after he'd been cloned, he had the same reflexes and capabilities that Keith did, but he'd spent months languishing in a prison cell- it was pretty obvious that his reflexes, and all of his other physical abilities had taken a hit as a consequence. He just wasn't in his prime.

And even then, only part of Keith's reflexes were actually natural, instinctive as they might seem. The rest had been honed through practice and experience, something he just didn't have. He knew overcoming all that would be a challenge, but he just hadn't anticipated just how _much_ of one it would be.

"It's okay." Shiro reassured him again. "You'll get the hang of it."

"It doesn't _feel_ like it." Akira grumbled.

He just wanted to be _useful_. Sure, he helped Coran out around the Castle, but it didn't feel like enough, especially given all the paladins had done for him. He wasn't just talking about rescuing him either- although that was definitely a factor. No. He was talking about how they had taken a tool, and made it okay for it to start to thinking of itself as a person. It was a hurdle he hadn't entirely cleared yet, but he was getting there. But without the steady support of the paladins, he didn't know if it would have been possible to even get that far.

He just wanted to hurry up and be able to give something back already.

To his surprise, Keith snorted. "I think I know how you feel."

Akira blinked, looking up at him. "You do?"

"Sure." Keith shrugged, crossing his arms in front of him, his tail flicking out of the way as he leaned against the control panel. "When Ulaz first rescued me, I didn't even know how to walk. Regris had to teach me. Sometimes I felt like I'd never get the hang of it."

Akira frowned, directing his gaze back down to his helmet. He couldn't help but feel responsible for that. The only reason he even existed was so that Haggar could carry out her plan to replace Keith, and even if that effort had failed, he still couldn't shake the guilt knowing that brought. His existence might not have been the _cause_ of Keith's suffering- but it was absolutely an extension of it. Even when he tried to reason it away- that he'd had no say in being created, that it wasn't a conscious decision on his part- it just didn't help.

"Why don't we call it a day?" Shiro suggested. "I think it's just about time for the Coalition briefing anyways."

Akira nodded, not daring to look up. He knew he was overthinking things, but it still felt like Keith should blame him more. They _all_ should.

"Yeah," he finally got out, "-okay. Sounds good."

"Great." Shiro said. "We'll pick things back up tomorrow if we have time."

He didn't look up, just nodded, waiting until he heard the distinct sound of Shiro's boots as he left the pod. Keith, on the other hand, lingered. Finally, sensing that Keith didn't seem intent on leaving, Akira forced himself to look at him. He didn't look mad, like he almost expected him too- just curious.

"Does it bother you?" Keith asked.

"Does what bother me?" Akira asked, hoping he didn't come across as sounding annoyed.

"When I talk about this." Keith said, gesturing at his appearance.

Taking a moment to study the red paladin, Akira frowned. He still wasn't fully comfortable with the fact that he looked more human than Keith did. It just felt like it should be the other way around- he was the clone, after all, a product of the Galra Empire. By all accounts, _he_ should be the one to look more Galra, not Keith.

But he'd also started to understand that looking Galra just didn't bother Keith. It made sense, when he let himself think about it- without his memories, it was all he would have ever known. It was probably weirder for him to think he'd ever looked so human than it was to see his own reflection in the mirror. But thinking that just made him feel guilty for having his memories in the first place, even though he'd never even _wanted_ them.

He just couldn't win.

"Sometimes." Akira admitted. "It doesn't feel right."

Keith said nothing to that, seeming to silently mull it over. As expected, it wasn't a feeling that he seemed to be able to understand.

"I could talk about it less." Keith finally said. "I mean, if that would make you feel better."

Akira blinked, his surprise at the unexpected offer instantly met by a surge of guilt. He couldn't force people to tiptoe around him just because certain subjects made him feel bad. It wasn't right.

"You don't have to-"

Keith narrowed his eyes, cutting him off. "Are you saying that because you're really okay with it, or because you think you're not worth the trouble?"

Akira snapped his mouth shut, not knowing how to respond to that. He'd pretty much hit the nail on the head.

"The latter, huh?" Keith sighed, though thankfully, not in disappointment. "Look, I know what that feels like. If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, all you have to do is ask and I'll stop. I spent way too much time making the paladins tiptoe around me not to return the favor."

"Yeah, but that's different." Akira said. "You're-"

"I'm what?" Keith interjected. "Not a clone?"

Akira only nodded in response, prompting another sigh from Keith. He ran a hand through his bangs, mindful of his claws, before he rested it on the back of his neck.

"Look." Keith began, staring more at the floor than at him, a clear sign that he was trying to sort through his thoughts still. "I get that this is a weird situation, but I don't think you're any lesser for being a clone. It doesn't make you any less of a person. You know that, right?"

Akira bit his lip, ducking his head. "So I've heard."

"But you don't believe it." Keith finished.

"It's not that." Akira shook his head, even if to an extent, he was right. It was still strange to him, to think of himself as a person with rights, as someone who actually mattered as opposed to a broken tool that had been thrown out and left to rot. He'd spent so long as the latter that trying to become the former... well, it could be a challenge at times. "It's just... nobody's treated me like a person before this. The Galra just treated me like a punching bag, and Haggar... I was just a tool to her, and a broken one at that."

"You're not, you know." Keith said. "Either of those things."

Managing a small smile, Akira peeked up at Keith. "Thanks."

"Just keep that in mind." Keith returned the smile. "Also, I should _probably_ go before Allura gets mad."

"Probably." Akira said. If her temper was anything like it was in his not-memories... then yeah, he wouldn't want to be late either.

Keith nodded, moving to leave. Right before leaving the cockpit, he paused, glancing back towards him. "This was... fun. We should do it again sometime."

Akira nodded. He didn't know if he'd call it _fun_ , but... he still wouldn't mind doing this again sometime.

"Yeah," he agreed, "-we should."

* * *

Unfortunately, there wasn't any time the following day to pick things back up, or even the day after that. But he'd kind of expected that- ever since Naxzela, it always seemed like the paladins were off on one mission or another. Even with the Blade of Marmora and the rebels to help split up the work, it never seemed like enough. He knew that the princess wanted to hit as many targets as possible before the Galra Empire realized that they were acting on inside information. They had gained a critical advantage in their last big assault, and she wanted to press it for everything it was worth- even if that meant using information from a source she still didn't fully trust.

He hadn't seen Prince Lotor for himself yet. Part of him didn't want to, and was grateful that he hadn't been put on rotation to do stuff like bring him food, or grill him for more information. He suspected it was on purpose, though no one had said as much. According to Keith, Lotor knew that Allura wasn't the red lion's true paladin, but no one could be sure exactly how _much_ he knew about them. The Galra prince had given no further hints.

If he knew about Haggar's plans for Keith... then he _really_ didn't want to meet him. Knowing about Haggar's plans meant knowing about _him_ , and he didn't want to meet someone who would just put him right back into the tool slot, not after he'd worked so hard to try and crawl out of it. He wanted to stay as a person, uncertain as he was sometimes about that new label.

He didn't think the Galra liked clones.

He tried to shake the thought off and focus, but he kind of had nothing to focus _on_. Right now, the paladins were away on another mission. They were off to destroy a factory planet, the sole purpose of which was to create the Galra Empire's new, upgraded sentries. He'd sat in on the briefing, and had lingered on the bridge afterwards, unsure of what to do with himself. It was just another reminder that he needed to hurry up and make himself useful. Everyone was working so hard, and what was he doing?

Sitting around and staring at the balls of his feet.

"You know, if you don't wish to stay, then you certainly do not have to."

Looking up, Akira met Allura's eyes. He didn't miss the way she slightly averted her eyes, dropping her gaze to his nose as opposed to meeting his eyes. It was a technique Keith had used often, so it was easy for him to recognize it in another person. She had stayed behind, leaving the task of piloting the red lion to its true paladin. Since Coran was doing some work down on Olkarion, and Regris and Matt were both away, that just left the two of them.

Well, plus Lotor. But he was pretty sure he wasn't getting out of that cell anytime soon.

"I don't exactly have anywhere else to be." Akira responded truthfully.

"I suppose that's fair enough." Allura said, seemingly turning back to her work.

They lapsed into silence, and he assumed that was the end of it. He and the princess never exactly talked much. Although she'd never done anything to make him feel unwelcome, sometimes he got the feeling that he made her uncomfortable. He didn't understand why- she'd proven to be just as outspoken as Keith's memories depicted her, so he was almost positive that if she had an issue with him, she would have said something by now.

Which meant it had to be something else.

"Still," Allura said after a few moments, "-you don't have to sit on the _floor_. I am quite certain Keith would hardly mind if you used his chair."

" _I'd_ mind." Akira said, but he still stood up.

He didn't like to stand for longer than he had to- his legs were still pretty weak, though they _were_ getting a lot stronger. Coran had been working on a training menu to help him gain back muscle mass, but like so many other things, he had a long way to go before it started to bear any fruit. That said, he still didn't feel comfortable sitting in one of the paladin's chairs, much less Keith's.

Allura glanced towards him again, heaving a slight sigh. "You can still sit if you wish to. I simply wanted to make sure you were comfortable."

Akira shifted on his feet, torn between sitting back down and remaining standing. Allura was hard for him to read- he could never tell when she was being sincere, or when she was just being polite. He was already bad at reading people, but at least none of the paladins were trained diplomats- Allura, on the other hand, was. He couldn't help but second guess nearly every action she made, which in turn made him feel strangely kind of guilty. Keith's memories were barely of any help, seeing that the last time they had been alone together was when Sendak had been attempting to steal the Castle, and that wasn't exactly the right time for being social.

Though right now... bad at reading people or not, he was pretty sure the mood between them was just plain awkward. Anyone could tell that much.

"I should probably just go." Akira said. "I mean, you're clearly busy, so-"

"You really do not have-" Allura began.

"It's fine." Akira assured her. "I should probably find something to do anyways."

Allura frowned slightly, still not quite looking him in the eye. She hadn't done so once throughout the entire conversation. "If you insist. Though you are certainly welcome to stay."

Akira just shook his head. "I'm fine. Thanks, though."

With a quick nod of his head, he made a hasty exit. Once the doors to the bridge shut behind him, he exhaled, surprised at just how tense he had been.

He really was that bad with the princess, huh.

He wasn't even sure _why_. He was bad at reading her, sure, but he was bad at reading _everybody_ , including Keith, and he was his _clone_. Maybe it was the way she avoided looking him directly in the eye, but that didn't sound quite right. It wasn't like he was all that wild about eye contact himself- he spent most of his time trying to avoid it. It was part of why he hadn't bothered to trim his bangs yet, even though they were long enough that they could be a little blinding sometimes.

Well, whatever it was, he'd just have to get over it. Just... another time, maybe.

* * *

All Allura could do was sigh.

She truly hadn't meant to make things so awkward, but it would appear she had done exactly that. She'd only just wanted to talk, but somehow she couldn't even manage so much as a single conversation without chasing Akira off.

All of the other paladins were capable of it. Why wasn't she?

Granted, the rest of the paladins hadn't grown up with the staunch belief that cloning was forbidden for good reason. It was just one of the many reasons why what Haggar- or Honerva, rather- had done was so abhorrent. She frowned slightly, mentally chastising herself- it wasn't as if there was even any _proof_ that clones lacked a soul of their own. It was just a theory, and not even one with a scientific basis. Even _if_ Akira's eyes were somewhat eerie in the way they never seemed to properly reflect light, that didn't necessarily mean anything.

He certainly didn't _act_ like a soulless husk, at any rate. If anything, he just seemed... _awkward_ , and there was certainly no crime in that.

And yet she still found herself constantly avoiding eye contact with him.

Huffing, Allura turned back to her screens, though it was only a pretense. She couldn't focus on the work in front of her, important as it was to get done. She really _had_ been trying, but when she combined how busy they were as of late with how infrequently she actually _saw_ Akira... they simply rarely had the time to talk, much less be alone together. During meals he could be so quiet that sometimes she would forget he was even there, until she noticed him out of the corner of her eye. He'd gotten a bit better as of late, steadily growing more social with the other paladins, but she'd yet to have the chance to get a good grip on his character.

That had to be the problem, she decided. She just didn't know him. And truthfully... at times she wondered if he even knew himself.

Still, she didn't think he was a bad person, not by a long shot. _Coran_ was certainly fond of him, and anyone Coran liked couldn't possibly be _that_ bad. Say what you might about his willingness to trust even the shadiest Unilu dealer, but he was otherwise often a tremendously good judge of character. It was part of what made him such a skilled advisor, both to her father, and to her.

What it really came down to was her own preconceptions, she supposed. But just like she had slowly begun to accept the idea of working with the Galra, she would simply have to accept the fact that the belief of her people had been wrong. Firm grasp on his character or not, he just didn't seem at all soulless to her- and he'd been through so much already, treated as something lesser, perhaps just as much due to that belief, as it was the fact that he was only part Galra.

At the very least, he deserved to be around people who could look him in the eye.

It wasn't as if he were Lotor's ship. Just thinking about it gave her the chills. When she'd heard the paladins describe it as being empty, she'd just assumed they meant that it felt like any other ship- in that it didn't feel like anything at all. But no- it was truly empty, as if there was something fundamentally wrong with it.

What that was, she could only begin to guess. The biggest difference between Lotor's ship and the lions were the people who made it- and the lack of Altean alchemy. She had long since suspected that was key to the lion's strength, but she supposed this proved it. The ship was powerful enough without it, that much she would admit- but Voltron had a different kind of strength, one that went beyond mere firepower.

She couldn't explain it. She just knew it was true.

Pidge suspected that she was the reason Lotor had sought them out. That he wanted to use her to help make his ships more complete. She certainly didn't doubt that, but if that was what he wanted, then he should prepare to be disappointed. It wasn't merely a question of her willingness to help- but rather, one of skill. She simply wasn't the alchemist her father was, and might never be. Yes, she had brought the Balmera back to life, but that was only due to the help and support she had received from Shay and her family. She hadn't been able to defuse Naxzela, only escape it. If she had just been able to, then Keith wouldn't have had to even _think_ about sacrificing himself.

She couldn't even fix _Keith_ , for that matter.

She had potential, yes, it was true. She realized that now. But without training, she would never be able to fully bring out that potential. With Altea and her father gone, there was no one left to teach her- aside from Haggar, but she would never even _consider_ taking lessons from that witch, not after what she had done to Keith and Shiro, not to mention the countless innocents who had lost their lives due to the komar she'd created.

Short of going to Oriande, she would never be able to become even _half_ the alchemist that her father was. Unfortunately, there was no way to locate a fairy tale.

* * *

Taking a deep breath of air, Akira let his shoulders slump.

There was something calming about being on Olkarion. Maybe it was just the fresh air. He'd spent so much of his life breathing recycled air, that there was just something refreshing about being on an actual _planet_. It had a positive, bracing effect on him, for all his apprehension about leaving the Castle by himself.

He knew he was _allowed_ to, he'd just never done it before. He'd never been able to work up the courage. But after that chat with Allura... well, the desire to get away for a little while finally won out over his nerves. So after shooting a message to Coran to make sure someone at least knew where he was going, he'd gathered up the money the Altean had given him and set himself to the task of replacing his worn out tunic.

And maybe finding some other clothes while he was at it. _Maybe_. He wasn't about to get ahead of himself.

Thankfully, there weren't exactly a lot of people at the market at this time of day. He wasn't exactly wild about crowds- the less people he had to deal with, the better. He didn't know if it was something he'd picked up from Keith, or if it was just due to having spent so much of his (admittedly short) life in near total isolation.

Probably both, he decided.

He did his best to keep a low profile and not attract attention to himself, but it quickly proved to be fruitless. People didn't exactly recognize who he was, but they _did_ recognize that he looked like the other paladins- though thankfully, they didn't seem to draw any connection between him and the Blade of Marmora's liaison, Keith's public role in the Coalition. There had been some talk about changing that after Naxzela, but nothing had come of it yet.

Fortunately, although his humanity drew attention, it was just vague curiosity at best. There weren't many of them this far out in space, though it felt weird to be counted as one when he'd spent so much of his life being viewed strictly as a Galra halfbreed. He'd never even _been_ to Earth, though thanks to Haggar, he still had memories of it. And frankly... he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Maybe nobody recognized him as Keith here, but on Earth?

There was no way he would be able to avoid that. _Especially_ since Keith didn't look like Keith anymore.

But at least that wasn't something he had to worry about for awhile. From the sound of it, no one had any intention of going home until the war was over, and that could take _months_ , if not _years_. They'd gained a lot of ground in the last big battle, but the Galra Empire was _still_ the dominant force in the universe. It would take a lot more effort to finally change that.

Plus, they still had Zarkon- and Haggar- to deal with.

He grimaced at the thought of Haggar. He still loathed thinking about the witch. He couldn't stop wondering if she knew he was with the paladins or not, and that train of thought always lead to its fair share of doubt. He'd been told that there was nothing to suggest that it was even possible, but what if Haggar had done something to him that would let her seize control of him? Or see through his eyes? She'd _created_ him- who was to say that she hadn't done something more than just implant Keith's memories into his head? What if she was just waiting for the right moment to turn him against the paladins?

He didn't want that.

The paladins had trusted him, even when he didn't trust himself. He didn't want to pay that back with treachery, even if it wasn't something he could control.

And he didn't want to become a tool again.

Taking in a deep breath, he tried to shake the thought off. He just needed to focus on what he'd come out here for, before he lost his nerve and went back empty-handed.

It didn't feel like shopping should be this _hard_ , but for awhile, all he could think about were the eyes he felt on him. He tried to ignore it, telling himself that it was nothing. The aliens here didn't even seem that interested in him, so it was probably more his imagination than anything else. It wasn't like anyone here had any reason to know about him.

(They weren't Lotor.)

Taking a few more deep breaths, he managed to calm himself down enough to focus on his shopping. Even if it wasn't a busy time, there were still a lot of stalls out, so it was surprisingly easy to let himself be distracted. With so much stuff to choose from, he was bound to find something that caught his eye. Something that felt like _him_ , as opposed to Keith- whatever that was.

He'd figure it out. Probably.

Once he actually let himself focus on the task, it was kind of fun, actually. There was way more color variety in the market than there was in the Castle's clothing stores- shades of blue, white, and yellow seemed to be the prevailing trend in Altean fashion. He'd kind of developed an affinity towards orange, which was why he'd been happy to find boots in that color in the middle of all the blue. Sure, they were partly blue too, but he liked that particular shade of aqua- it was bright and eye-catching, and so much in his life had been dull and colorless.

Or purple. He was sick of purple.

It was weird. He didn't like red or yellow as much as he thought he would, and he knew for a fact those were Keith's favorite colors- and still were, even without his memories. Maybe they were actually more separate than he'd first thought.

The thought gave him a little extra energy. Maybe coming out here by himself _had_ been a good idea. He even found what he was looking for- a tunic that could probably pass as a t-shirt, with a pattern sewn into the bottom that kind of reminded him of the ocean, that even matched the aqua color of his boots. The top, darker blue half kind of matched his Altean leggings, though not completely, but it was close enough that he didn't care. What was important was that it looked durable enough to not simply disintegrate no matter how much he fiddled with its hem.

(Sure, he could just try _fixing_ said habit, but he couldn't help but cling to it, for the simple reason that it was _his_ , and no one else's.)

In hindsight, his first mistake was not returning to the Castle as soon as he bought what he came for. He was in good mood, the earlier awkwardness with Allura all but forgotten. For once, he wasn't in a rush to get out of the public eye, and for the most part, people had stopped paying any attention to him. The shirt wasn't even that expensive, so he still had some money leftover- maybe he could buy something else. Currently the only belongings he had were the clothes on his back, the set of pajamas Coran had given him, a set of toiletries, and the little plush orange lion he had won at the Clear Day festivities. It would be nice to have a little more to his name.

He was just eying a row of jackets when someone grabbed his arm. On reflex, he fumbled for his knife, freezing up when he realized it wasn't where it was supposed to be. He only dimly remembered that he didn't actually _own_ a knife, and that even his own reflex didn't actually belong to him. Meanwhile, the alien tightened their grip on his wrist, the pain it shot through it snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Let me go!" Akira said, trying to pull away- and failing.

The alien didn't even look like much, but they were still stronger than him. They were short and somewhat squat, only coming up to his chest, and bipedal, almost humanoid in shape. The biggest difference, other than their short stature and the fact that they were a deep shade of blue-green, was the fact that they had six eyes- two big ones, and four smaller ones, all gleaming a deep, ruby red.

It felt like they weren't looking _at_ him, so much as they were looking _through_ him.

"You," they said, "-where is your _spheara_?"

"My _what_?" Akira asked, unable to understand that last part. They sounded like they were speaking Common, but whatever that last part was, it was in no language he- or Keith- knew.

That just seemed to make the alien even angrier, repeating their question as a demand this time. Actually, it might have been a demand the first time. He tried to jerk his wrist away, but the alien held tight- he swore he could feel the tips of their fingernails digging into his skin. Gritting his teeth, he clenched his free hand into a fist, but before he got the chance to throw his second ever punch, a familiar man stood between him and the alien, gently pressing a nerve on their wrist.

Almost immediately, the alien let go. Akira didn't hesitate to take his hand back, rubbing at his wrist. Already there were faint pink marks starting to show on his wrist, which he was almost positive would turn into bruises before long. It was already starting to feel sore.

"Now then, good sir," Coran began, his tone more serious than he had ever heard it, low enough to be considered almost threatening, "-If you don't terribly mind, I would like to ask you to refrain from putting another hand on my young charge."

The alien jerked back, startled. "He is with the paladins?"

"Yes." Coran said. "And I don't think they'll be too happy when they find out how uncomfortable you've been making him."

The alien opened his mouth to say something, but apparently the threat of the paladins' anger was too much. They quickly snapped it shut, storming off without another word. He watched them go with a glare of his own, annoyed that he hadn't gotten the chance to punch them. Granted, he didn't know how much good it would do, but it at least would have made him feel better.

"Now then," Coran said, his tone more normal as he turned on his heel to look back at him, "-what say we to having a look at that?"

Akira frowned, hesitating for a few seconds before letting Coran see his wrist. The Altean only touched it lightly, but it was enough to make him wince.

"Oh, that's not good." Coran frowned. "Why don't we head back to the Castle for now? I've got some ointment that might help with the sting."

Akira just nodded, his good mood from before completely gone. He was the center of attention now, and in a bad way. He tried not to look at any of them, opting to stare at his feet instead, but he had a hard time ignoring the whispers that followed them. He followed Coran in silence back to the Castle, wondering why he had even bothered to come out here in the first place. He should have known better.

He let Coran steer him into the med bay, barely even putting up a fuss. He couldn't stop thinking about what that alien had said to him, playing it back in his mind almost on loop. Whatever a _spheara_ was, he'd seemed pretty angry that he didn't have one.

"Coran?"

"Hm?" Coran asked, looking up. He was digging in a drawer, presumably looking for the ointment in question. "What is it?"

"What were they- the alien, what were they saying?" Akira asked. "They said something about a _spheara_ , but I have no idea what that is. Is it like some kind of pass or something? I thought anyone could shop in the market."

Did they know he was Galra, somehow? No, he was pretty sure they would have just come out and said that if they did. But it wasn't like anyone could tell he was a clone just by looking at him, and they'd seemed more angry about the fact that he was supposedly lacking whatever this _spheara_ thing was than they were by anything he actually had.

"Oh, it's nothing." Coran said, purposefully looking away. "I wouldn't worry about it."

Akira frowned. That just made it sound like it _was_ actually something, but he was half-tempted to leave it at that. He knew for a fact that there were some mysteries better left unsolved.

Unfortunately for him, his curiosity won out.

"I'd like to know." Akira said.

Coran sighed, putting away any pretense of searching for the ointment. "People from his planet claim to have the ability to see the color of a soul. They call it a _spheara_."

"Like an aura?" Akira asked.

"If that's what you humans call it, then yes, I suppose so. Mind you," Coran added quickly- almost _too_ quickly, "-there's never actually been any _proof_ that what they see has anything to do with souls. It's simply what they believe. They're an awfully spiritual sort."

Akira's brow crinkled. He wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. "It sounds a lot like what you're trying to say is that they thought I didn't have a soul."

"No, of course not!" Coran said, waving a hand as if to dismiss the possibility. "Now, how about that ointment? It'll make the pain go away in a right jig!"

"No thanks." Akira said curtly. "I think I'm just going to sleep it off."

He hurried out before Coran could stop him, only dimly aware he'd left his purchase behind. He wished he'd never gone. He wished he'd never asked. Coran might have tried to downplay it, but it was obvious what he'd meant. He should have just listened to his instincts for once and kept his mouth shut.

He didn't stop walking until he reached his room, not even bothering to turn on the lights, instead just collapsing face first into his bed. Rolling over, he stared up at the ceiling, replaying the alien's words over and over in his head. What did it mean, he couldn't see the color of his aura? Did he really not have a-?

He shut his eyes tight, turning over on his side and trying not to think about it. It didn't work. It was all he could think about.

That, and Lotor's stupid ship. No wonder he'd felt sympathy for it. They were two peas in a pod. Both empty imposters, and _failed_ ones at that.

Pressing his hands over his eyes, he ignored the pain in his wrist. He wanted to scream, to yell out that they'd been wrong, but he couldn't even find it in himself to dispute it. He was just a clone, after all. Just a stupid clone who had gotten carried away because a few people were nice to him for a change. Why would he ever be anything else?

He was stupid to have ever gotten his hopes up.

* * *

"-and then Hunk managed to nearly get us all buried in lava-"

"Hey! Pidge!"

Kethe barely heard Pidge and Hunk's banter, too busy glancing towards the lounge door. Usually after they came back from a mission, Akira was there to greet him, but he'd yet to show up. Normally it wouldn't have bothered him this much, but he couldn't shake the weird feeling in his gut, like something was wrong.

"Keith?" Allura caught his eye. "Is something the matter?"

"I-" Kethe frowned, before deciding to just ask. "Do you know where Akira is?"

Allura frowned, looking up towards the door as if she had only just now recognized his absence. "Last I heard, he was headed down to the market."

"By himself?" Shiro asked. "That doesn't sound like Akira."

"Hey, give the guy some more credit." Lance said, leaning back against the couch, clearly not worried at all. "He's been trying to work up the courage to go for like, weeks."

"He _did_ mention something about it the other day." Pidge frowned. "Still, we were gone for awhile. Any chance you know when he left, Allura?"

Allura mulled it over. "Perhaps about a quarter of a varga or so after you left? He stayed on the bridge for awhile, but then he left."

In normal circumstances, he would have noticed the way her gaze flicked downwards, but he barely even paid attention to it.

Shiro frowned, narrowing his eyes. "That would mean he's been gone for over an hour and a half, assuming he's not back yet. That's way too long for just a trip to the market."

"Maybe he just lost track of time?" Lance suggested with a shrug. "It happens."

"You don't think he got lost, do you?" Hunk asked.

"It's a possibility." Shiro said. "Keith, do you think you could-?"

"Check on him?" Kethe finished, already on his feet. "I'm way ahead of you."

Maybe they were overthinking things, but he just couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had happened. His instincts usually weren't wrong.

He was in such a hurry, that he nearly ran right into Coran, the Altean trying to enter just as he was trying to exit. It took him a few ticks to recover from his surprise at the near collision, but when he did, he noticed that Coran looked unexpectedly grave.

"Coran?" Allura stood up in surprise. "I didn't know you were back. Did you finish your business with Ryner?"

"Just got back, and yes." Coran informed her. "Any chance you're looking for Akira?"

"We were, actually." Pidge said. "Do you know where he is?"

"Is everything okay, Coran?" Shiro asked.

"I'm afraid not." Coran shook his head. "There was a bit of an incident in the market."

_Incident_. That was _never_ a good word. Kethe felt a surge of panic bubble up in his chest. "Is he-?"

"Physically? Aside from a few bruises, he should be fine." Coran assured him, but his expression didn't relax any. "No. I'm afraid the damage is more emotional in nature."

That definitely didn't sound good.

"Where is he?" Kethe asked.

"He seems to have locked himself in his room." Coran replied.

That was all he needed to hear. Before Coran could say anything more, he was off, slipping past the Altean. He might not know what had happened, but he knew he needed to be there for him. The lump in his gut wouldn't let him do anything less.


End file.
